A couple nights before I went into labor a shabby looking calico cat came meowing at our backdoor. He/she (we're unsure because both Warren and I have strict rules against picking up cats to check out their privates) looked so hungry that I took pity on the little thing and fed it a can of tuna and some milk. The poor kitty wanted to come inside so badly to sleep; unfortunately, it picked my house where my charity towards cats ends at free food on my porch. We made Bonesy (we named him/her because I heard somewhere once you feed a stray it will come back...forever) a nice bed out of cardboard and old blankets, but Bonesy wanted none of it. He/she meowed ALL NIGHT to come in, but allowing that cat in my house would be like having a cat...IN MY HOUSE. I shudder at the thought of flees and cat hair and cat on my kitchen counter and cat licking private cat parts... Point is: Bonesy sat outside and slept on our porch that night. After that we didn't see Bonesy for over month.
A couple weeks ago Bonesy came back, and came back, and came back, and came back. Now the damn thing scratches at my screen door. This morning I heard the pitiful meow and grabbed my last can of tuna (we did buy it cat food, but Bonesy won't eat the cat food and instead leaves it on my back porch for the ants to get into. Fussy little shit). As I was dumping half a can into a bowl the can slipped out of my hand and fell BEHIND THE REFRIGERATOR! TUNA! BEHIND! REFRIGERATOR! ALL DAY until Warren can move it. ...I'VE STOPPED BREATHING.
You might say that me dropping a can of tuna is not necessarily the cat's fault. But, honestly, DOES IT MATTER?! There is TUNA exploded all over a wall and I CAN'T REACH IT.
It's as if the animal kingdom taunts me.
10 comments:
I too blame the cat. My roommate just got a kitten, and it's meowing like hell right now. It's leaving asap, or we will not be living together anymore.
I can smell your house from here. And it's not just the usual Florida smell, either.
damn cute kittens--it's their agenda!
ewwww...i hate animals.
this is why i am a dog person. they don't eat stinky tuna and therefore it can never accidently explode anywhere. plus you can always put a bark collar on a dog, but not so much on a cat. point: cats are lame.
You know you'll feed that cat again. Don't lie.
hysterical. seriously.
want to hear another funny cat store KT - check out my blog post today.
hmmm maybe it's karma for not taking Bonesy in that one night, LOL!!
ooohhhh.....can't....stop....laughing...
btw.....where is your blog award post?!?!
a new post is needed 'cause everytime I see "That's the Last Time I Feed a Stray" I think you're giving away the crazy haired BABY!!!
Post a Comment