Thank you for the sunny weather. I appreciate not having to wear socks. Unfortunately, you and I have some issues to work out. Recently I've discovered you're a little trickster. That's right. You lure in unsuspecting families with your beautiful weather and warm beaches, but what you don't tell them is how badly you suck. Also, your crappy beaches don't even have waves.
Why don't you require health insurance companies to cover pregnant women, yet blood tests for old people are handed out like candy canes? Why are there only 4 pediatricians in the entire state? While I understand your main purpose is to be a warm place where people come to die, it would be nice if maybe you considered supporting the living as well.
Also, what is this grudge you seem to have towards left turns? Are U-turns REALLY that much more efficient? Let me answer that--they're not. Let me turn left again, damnit.
Even worse than your ban on making a left turn is your rate of teen pregnancy and STDs in middle schools. If I didn't know better, I'd say you hated anyone under the age of 55.
Which reminds me, QUIET GYMS? REALLY? Don't you think setting off an alarm every time someone grunts or drops a weight is a titch over the top? Your senior citizens have some serious control issues.
Anyway, thanks for Disney World.
Much love,
KT
10 comments:
Ewww.... STDs in middle schoolers. Now that's just sad.
I've been to Florida for vacation a few times. I remember thinking I wouldn't want to live there.
You forgot to mention all the dangerous animals. Sharks, giant man eating reptiles, snakes, etc. Oh, and in some places the water smells and tastes like sulfur. And they seem to have a lot of pedophiles.
Wait, I'm not making things better, am I? Okay. . . let's forget what I just said.
Katie, Florida isn't SO bad.
There, is that better?
i'm afraid that's what happens when your state's median age is 95.
but, at least you have disneyworld!
(can i come visit?)
Oh, Florida. Is there any wonder they always screw up elections?
and to think i still have family there who seem to love it.. sooo, soo strange. hallelujah that my parents had enough sense to get us the hell out of there before it was too late. blech. NOW MOVE TO OREGON ALREADY!
Katie, I don't know you, but I am Leslie's sister-in-law. Your blog makes me laugh, so I hope you don't mind that I added it to my blog roll. (mleballard.blogspot.com)
I wish Dave and Leslie could recognize all of Florida's flaws and move to Utah.
And I wish Leslie would put something on her blog.
Florida SUUUUUUUUCKS. My Floridian husband refuses to move back...on account of EVERYTHING.
Ahhh Florida for me in 50 days!!!
If you hadn't already talked me out of it, Melanie sealed the deal!
Come back to Portland anytime...
oh, fun! I'm coming to Disney World the first weekend in March! YAHOO! Bring it on . . .
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