It's hard to get back into blogging after such a long hiatus because deciding what to blog about is so difficult. Sadie turned one, we went to Oregon, Warren's mpm came to visit from South Africa, and everythin in between.


I decided to get back into bloggin I've been feeling tremendous guilt over my lack of blogging, well, not so much my lack of blogging, but my lack of journalling all together, but also because of the sense of community the blogging world brings. I started a journal for Sadie at the beginning of last year, and I've written in it maybe 8 times. Everytime I see her little journal on my desk, I am consumed with guilt, so I tuck it away so I don't have to look at it. (blech, erase.)

I've been slowly making my way back in to the blogosphere after my hiatus. I don't know if I didn't a break so much as I was just tired and had nothing creative to say.

There are three types of blogs: The professional blogs everyone reads, dooce, coolmom, mightygirl. Then there are the familiy blogs where pictures are posted and days are journaled about. And finally, there are the tragedy blogs--blogs we are drawn into like a drug. We have to know how these parents deal with our worst nightmares.

Lately I've been reading a lot of The Spohrs are multiplying. It's about a sweet little girl, Madeline, who pass away unexpectantly one night due to complications from a respitory infection. Maybe this blog hit me so hard because Madeline came down with a respitory infection just a few days before she turned 17 months. My Sadie also recently came down with a respiratory infection a few days before her 17 month birthday. Both Sadie and Madeline had to be put on breathing treatments. Sadie recovered, Madeline did not. I'm lucky because Sadie wasn't premature and had strong enough lungs to fight and recover.

Maybe I'm drawn to Madeline because she said "WOW!" the same way Sadie does, or that she greeted her mother with a "HI!" in the morning, the same way Sadie greets me.

Lately, I've been having a hard time with the tasks of motherhood. I've been missing the work field and longing to go back. Somedays I don't feel like reading the same book over and over again, or picking up toys a dozen times a day. Some days I long for more mentally stimulating conversation. I've felt bored, unchallened, annoyed, impatient, and tired.

With Sadie's recent illness it has required breathing treatments every 3-4 hours, and a fussy baby. This morning she woke up at 6am after a sleepless night, and I was exhausted.

Madeline's story has reminded me how lucky I am. I would give up sleep altogether if that meant I got to wake up every morning at 6am to snuggle my baby.