Look! We have a blog!

I be RUNNIN'!

2011-06-02T23:18:00.006-04:00

For an update on what I'm up to now, go here:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sun/diswine11/ktickner

One of Those Mommy Blog/Letter Thingys

2011-03-28T15:03:00.003-04:00

Hey Sadie,

I'm really crap at this journal/blogging thing. You now have a new sister, so...

Dear Sadie AND Bailey,

First of all, welcome Bailey. Secondly, I sure am trying my best to record all the cute things the two of you do, but since you do cute things ALL THE TIME, I'm a bit behind. If you could maybe scale it back a bit, that would help me out a TON.

Much love,
Mama

Update

2011-02-28T21:16:00.001-05:00

I had another baby.

BLOGGED!

Letter To Fetus Sadie

2010-03-31T08:22:00.007-04:00

April 10, 2008

Dear Sadie,

I'm writing you this letter as you're sleeping in my belly as a 22 week fetus. Pregnancy has been quite the shocking experience. To be honest, I never pictured myself pregnant & you were somewhat unexpected. But, the love I already have for you is the most intense love I have ever felt. Your dad and I had a little video made of you when you were only an 18 week fetus. Everytime I watch you kicking the snot out of my uterus, I fall more in love with you. I can't wait to see you & find out if you're more like me (neurotic, spontaneous, disorganized, adventurous, emotional) or if you're like your daddy (stable, laid-back, hard-working, loves nature & animals, totally organized). I'm crossing my fingers for the latter. I assume parenting will be a lot easier if you are easy going. Either way, I know we're going to have so much fun.

I have to admit, I'm scared out of my mind to be your mommy. It only dawned on me not too long ago that I'm going to need to change DIAPERS! YIKES! I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, so please be patient & forgiving with me.

I already want so much for you. I want to be the perfect parent--it's a long shot, but I can dream :-). The reason I'm writing you this letter is to share with you something that has come to mean a lot to me (not because it's 1:30am & I can't sleep).

You'll have a lot of experiences as you grow up. Some you'll succeed at, and some you won't. That's just life. I wish you could live your life and never have to experience failure, but so far I haven't been able figure out a way to avoid it. In order to really succeed in life, you have to learn how to fail--and once you've failed to KEEP TRYING. Don't be afraid to do anything because of the possibilty of failure. Everything I have done that has been worth it has been hard and I've wanted to quit many times. But, I can tell you that anything that's worth being proud of is going to be hard. Keep going and don't give up.

I hope you always have confidence in yourself. I hope you are always kind to others--like your dad, great-grandma Johnson, and Aunt Sally. Sometimes I lose my temper and hurt feelings. Try not to do it that way. I hope you work hard; it's the only way to get what you want. I hope you aren't afraid to experience life. Life is a kick in the pants, and you're going to love it.

I'm sure there is much more I'll want to say to you, but it's nearly 2am and I'm about to fall asleep with this pen up my nose.

Love,
Mama

Did I really tell my child that she was a mistake, and probably a failure, too? What just happened here.

Oh No She DI-NN'T

2010-03-22T16:18:00.023-04:00

Let's talk, bloggity, blog friends.

I want to know your opinion on the health care bill that was passed; the good, the bad, the ugly, conservative, liberal, totalitarian, whatever. Just not communist. Gross. Since I quit worrying about this topic months ago (*GASP*), I can't give an educated opinion on the subject. What I can do is this: ask a bunch of questions and beg for your answers. Sound reasonable? Good. 'Cause I'm doin' it.

I've read the argument all over the interwebs about how this bill rewards the poor, lazy, and entitled. My question is this: Does it really? Aren't most of the "poor" Americans covered under Medicaid, anyway? It seems as though under the old system we already offered medical coverage to the poor. My understanding is that this bill would extend coverage to the vast number of Americans who don't carry health insurance not out of choice, but as a result of being denied due to a pre-existing condition. It also intends to help those Americans, either self-employed or who work for a company that doesn't offer health benefits, who aren't "poor" enough to qualify for Medicaid, but aren't "wealthy" enough to afford the high premiums of private health insurance. Yes? Are these Americans lazy, entitled, or personally irresponsible?

Has anybody read the bill who can tell me what's in it? Last time I checked it was 1200+ pages. I'd print it and read it myself, but I'm currently working my way through several Dr. Seuss books.

Will taxes increase for everyone, or only for those making 200k+ per year? There's conflicting information out there, and I want to get to the bottom of it ONCE AND FOR ALL.

Would it be frivolous to write a letter to Prez Obama (IN DA HOUSE) requesting that a gym membership stipend be added to the bill? I'm not a huge fan of paying monthly gym membership dues and my bum is all saggy. Plus, that would fall under preventative care, no? This may already be in the bill. Who knows. Do you?

What are your thoughts on the economic and/or medical consequences, if any, of this bill?

Give me your opinions. I know me some smart people, and I want to hear from you! I'm tired of reading the garbage on the Internet, 'cause it's gone n' made me skin crawl.

And for those dooce readers: this comment from her last post on health care made me laugh out-loud for, well, I'm still laughing.

From Twitter: "I can't help but think this is what Jesus would've wanted...If they'd had this back in Bible times it would have saved him a lot of work and freed him up to focus on the catering aspect."

Love it? Hate it? Let's get discussiony!

On Becoming Grounded

2010-03-18T06:54:00.014-04:00

A few months ago, I decided to go back to work in the financial field. Yeah, yeah, I know I was going to leave that behind for a while, but I couldn't do it. I was offered an opportunity with a great company which allows me to work mostly from home. Mondays are my long days, but other than that, Sadie and I are side-kicks. She destroys my office while I work and I pick everything up when I'm done. It works great!

I love it, and since I've gone back to work I've started to fall a little for Florida. My stay-at-home mommy days kept me cooped up in the house most of the time, and when we did leave it was only to the same places we always went to. Since going back to work, I've met some amazing business owners, become more familiar with the area, and found fun things to do with Sadie on the afternoons I'm free. Once Warren and I realized that our house was not going to sell unless we dropped the price WAY lower than we were willing to sell for, we took our house off the market. We decided to ride this out for a few years. It was either that, or lose buckets of money. So, I told myself that I could continue to cry over it and be miserable, or I could find happiness again, wherever we live. The hardest part of Florida is living so far from family. I'm not going to lie, long plane rides across the US of A blow. At least on international flights you're fed really crappy food, which admittedly I look forward to. I wish Sadie had grandparents nearby. Warren and I scored big time in the parent department, and it makes me sad that Sadie doesn't get to kick with them all the time. In order to see one set of grandparents, we have to endure a seven hour plane ride. In order to see the other set, it's nearly twenty hours. That's in the sky, people. Factor in lay-over time, and we're talking a FREAKING LONG TIME.

That's it. That's my story of Florida. My last hurdle to jump over is to run alone outside again. I don't know trails in the area that are safe vs. those that aren't. I sure do miss me some Provo River Trail! Ironically, I made up my mind yesterday to quit being afraid. But then this happened.

I'm going to need a little more time.

Is She Bloggin' Again? Say It Ain't So!

2010-03-14T22:23:00.008-04:00

Yes, friends. I's a be a bloggin'. Although, I can't promise forever, so don't get attached. Or, please get attached. Either way. I'm fairly irresolute these days.

Wow, it's been such a long time. This year I made a resolution to take a picture of Sadie everyday. I did not, unfortunately, make a resolution to upload those photos onto my laptop, so that will have to wait until next year. What I can tell you is this: I am an extremely, enormously, incalculably poor photographer. And worse yet, Sadie is just as bad at allowing me to take pictures. I made the mistake a few months back of showing Sadie a picture I took of her right after I took it. Now, every time I take out my camera, she runs over to look at herself before I can shoot a picture. Not only does she have red eye in most pictures, but the light is terrible and I've only shot half her face because she's charging me to "see" herself. There's a strong possibility I won't be joining the ranks of mommy photographers in 2010, but I might get around to uploading a few pictures so you can judge for yourself. And, as many of you are already aware, the only acceptable response to any picture of my baby is, "oooohh, how lovely."

In other news, bad news, or news I'm somewhat apathetic about now, we're still in Florida. Pbptpbhtht. Turns out, there was this thing with sub-prime mortgages, or something, and our house is now valued at $7.50. Suck. We're trying to make the most of our situation by whining and crying about it. Mark my words, we WILL be moving out of Florida one of these days. I write, "move out of Florida" on every post-it TO DO list I make, and I am VERY serious about my post-its.

3/9/2010
*milk
*diet coke
*run, or change into running clothes and sit on the couch (another New Year's resolution of mine was to be more realistic.)
*move out of Florida

3/10/2010
*study work material
*organize calendar
*try not to think in Spanglish
*move out of Florida

3/11/2010
*be awesome
*move out of Florida

It's not that we hate it here. It's just that we live so far away from family. There is plenty to do in this state to keep us busy, and I'm not complaining about the sunny days... Maybe I am. I miss my mom.

**I should clarify that my intention here was not to bash on Florida, but rather answer the question, "When are you moving out of Florida?" Which I've been asked a lot (understandably) since we made the decision two years ago. I should admit that the scary part is, the longer we stay the more grounded we're becoming. As hard as I'm trying to fight it, there might come a day when I cave and paint a wall.

After Church Fun

2009-11-01T20:06:00.005-05:00

"Update Blog" is still high up on my priority list; unfortunately, so is everything else. In the meantime, here are some pictures of Saidster and her dad having fun waiting for me after church. When I walked out to our car, all I could see was a cute little blonde head sticking out the window. I missed all the fun. :-)

I Know, I KNOW

2009-10-18T21:08:00.002-04:00

I said I would blog, and I WILL. Promise. Errrrr. How about I blog about not blogging? It's like, should I give you all an update on the happenings of our ever-exciting lives the past few months, or should I watch The Brady Bunch episodes online?

Hmmm.

I think you know the answer.

Say What?

2009-10-15T03:15:00.007-04:00

My mom called today and asked me in her sad voice, "Do you blog anymore? Where are new pictures of my granddaughter?

This got me thinking. Maybe I shouldn't leave the posting of baby pictures entirely up to my husband and his facebook page. Remember when I started that whole other blog solely to post pictures of my baby, then quit updating it?

So, perhaps I'll re-think my blogger protest. THAT'S how much I love you, Mom.

Where Have I Been?

2009-08-12T09:20:00.010-04:00

I'll tell you: At home, not blogging. That's where. Okay, that may be a lie, I am blogging, just not on this blog. I work for an SEO company and write about geothermal awesomeness and plastic surgery. My own personal blog has taken a back seat, not only because I already spend five hours a day on various social networking sites under an alias, but also because once I decided to tone down my attitude I've run low on the inspiration. Turns out attitude inspires me (who knew?). Truth is, I simply don't have it in me to post pictures of the fam and write about our day-to-day happnins' And, do you care? Probably not; otherwise I'd consider telling you about the time I worked from home and Sadie learned about Jesus from VeggieTales. Or the time she turned one. I feel I should post pictures of her as a newborn and then pictures of her now to wish her a big internet HAPPY FIRST BIRTHDAY, but I probably won't.

Perhaps I'll be back, but for now the time I have with Sadie when I'm not working is time I'm not going to spend updating this blog. She's too damn cute not to snuggle every chance I get.

The End of the Story...almost

2009-06-05T21:15:00.011-04:00

Thank you for all your input! I do honestly want you to tell me what to do. I won't pretend I'm above being bossed around.

Today I had a long conversation with my boss. He told me to expect to work 60+ hours per week for the next few years, and after that I could set my own schedule. I was expecting these type of hours, but had somehow managed to lie to myself (again) that leaving Sadie wouldn't be a problem for me. I don't know, 60 hours seems like a long time to leave her in the care of someone else. My husband works long hours as well, which means this cute little girl of ours would see her parents for two hours a day. Wowzers.

How important are the first three years? I mean, really? Do you think it would be better to leave her now while she won't remember, or wait until she's older? Is there EVER a good time to leave your kids in the care of someone else for twelve hours a day? Maybe when they're thirteen? Twelve? Sixth graders do kind-of bother me. After an unfortunate experience as a counselor at Outdoor School, I sort-of swore off sixth graders.

But seriously (seriously, I really did swear off sixth graders), am I over-reacting? Will she be okay? This is a great opportunity with huge financial rewards. AHHHHHHH!

This is the part where you tell me that staying home is the best decision, that money isn't worth giving up rocking my baby to sleep at night--because honestly, a piece of me died inside when I seriously thought about missing out on kissing that sweet little face of hers for 60 or more hours per week. All I need is to be told that everything will be okay; that I'll eventually get over the disappointment of passing on the career for right now.

I guess when it comes down to it, there's no place I would rather be than watching Veggietales World of Autotainment and singing silly songs with this gal.

Make! My! Decision! 2009!

2009-06-04T15:40:00.005-04:00

Time for another edition of Make! My! Decision!

For the few of you who may still check this blog, I need your help. I've been on the fence about this whole going back to work dealio, and since I'm positive I'm not alone here, your opinions would be GREATLY appreciated. The thing is, here's the thing, there's this thing, and...okay. I have this great opportunity to go back into financial planning, however, a huge reason I quit the last financial company I worked for was because we don't live by parentals and Sadie would be put in daycare. You know, the whole first-time mama drama over leaving your child in the care of someone else? Ya, you get it. So, I quit. For a few months afterwards I worked for some company-or-other making calls from home, but that job was lame and boring, so I found something else. Then THAT job was really lame and ended up costing me more money than I made...so, I quit again. I'm really not a bad employee with no company loyalty, but some jobs you gotsta quit. After quitting lame job #2, I decided I wanted to try financial planning again. However, while I was going through the training with current financial company, I was offered another job working from home. This second job is low-key, work whenever, part-time, basically perfect for a stay-at-home-mom. So, here's my dilemma:

I'm breaking it up into lists. I find lists are easier to read. Plus, I can cut out all those annoying filler words and sentence structure crap.

Financial Job:
* I like it
* More time away from Sadie
* Probably more stress (although, job or not, I'm going to be a ball of stress anyway. Just the fact that my car needs to be vacuumed out is reason enough to irregulate my breathing.)
* More money

Other job:
* work as little or as much as I want
* stay at home with kiddo
* less money

I'll be honest, it boils down to money. Financial job = more pay, other job = less pay. Job vs. staying home. If I can arrange it so I don't have to go into work everyday, if maybe I only had to go in twice a week, then Job #1 would be ideal. Then again, if I take Job #1 I'll feel more stressed on the days I'm not at work. Then again, Job #1 would be better for the long-term. Then again, Job #2 would allow me to take more naps, read more children's books, and do the laundry.

WHAT SHOULD I DO? I feel so guilty leaving my baby, but at the same time I feel a responsibility to do more. If I worked Job #1 we would have way more financial freedom, plus I would be able to transfer if Warren were offered a job in Oregon.

Why can't life be a Choose Your Own Adventure novel that I could flip through and read the outcome before I made my choice?

Whew, it's a good thing I'm delegating this decision you!

Are YOU self-smart?

2009-05-14T10:33:00.003-04:00

Think about it. But not too hard, if you know what I mean.

Sadie + Gyno - Stroller = Disaster

2009-05-07T22:15:00.004-04:00

One time (this morning) I went to the gyno and forgot to bring Sadie's stroller along. Since Sadie is old enough to get angry when she's bored, and since the floors in the rooms are too dirty for Sadie to play on, I was forced to entertain her on my lap while we waited for the doctor. You know those pieces of paper they give to cover up your privates after you stip down naked? Sadie didn't think I should have to wear a shield because while we waiting she ripped it off me. So, there I sat, holding onto what was left of my shield to cover up my woman parts while Sadie squirmed in my lap. I tried to put off feeding her until after my appointment, but she wasn't having that. I thought maybe I could nurse her quickly before the doctor came in, which didn't work out as hoped. As I'm nursing Sadie, and as she's ripping my paper shield off more and more, my doctor starts to walk in. I'm nearly nude, holding pathetically onto what was left of my cover, so I panicked and shouted, "WAIT!!" My doctor must have been caught off guard because he shouted back, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!" At the time, the only way I could think to respond was to shout back, "I'M NAKED."

I hope we can all learn something from this. And I hope I can learn that when I share naked stories with strangers over that internet that I'm actually sharing naked stories with strangers over the internet.

Sometimes Friends Update My Blog For Me

2009-04-28T22:01:00.009-04:00

Sadie and I took a tripster to Utah last week. We heart Utah. My friend, Kamie, has a little boy who is four months younger than Sadie, and the two of them met for the first time last week. Kamie and I shared the delusion that our children would fall instantly in love, grow up, get married, and we'd share grandchildren and have noodle salad at family reunions forever. Unfortunately, I seem to have failed in the teaching my child appropriate social manners. To see how this tragic story ended, click here.

What I've Been Up To Latey

2009-04-09T10:26:00.001-04:00

Yup, You're Weird.

2009-03-22T12:51:00.008-04:00

I had just finished talking to my mom about how I am a bit tightly wound when it came to cleaning my house when Warren walked inside and asked me,

"Would it be weird if I vacuumed the garage?"

(KT: Yes.)

..."well, I'm going to do it anyway, but I'll shut the garage doors so the neighbors can't see."

We plan to join the local chapter of Cleaners Anonymous this week.

Happy St. Patrick's Day, Yesterday!

2009-03-18T20:55:00.006-04:00

Sadie made a St. Patrick's Day clover for her dad. Well, she held still while I painted her foot green and smeared it on a clover. Then she stuck her hand in the glitter. Then we pretended like it wasn't us who made the mess at my neighbor's house. Then we practiced her I-didn't-do-it face.

It's a work in progress.

For more cute pictures of the babe, I FINALLY updated tickipics.

She Took It Off Private!

2009-03-14T18:57:00.004-04:00

For those of you who thought going private was my subtle way of saying I don't want you in my life, I promise it wasn't. I went private because, um, did you know potential employers may use the Internet and blogs to make employment decisions? Yah. Dooce wasn't kidding. No, I wasn't fired, but I did take my blog down while I job hunted. Now I'm back and employed and ready to revamp this blog into something more positive! Can I get a whoop-whoop?!

So much to catch up on. First off, we're still in Florida and still trying to sell our house. Any takers? Buy now and I'll throw in the picture I colored during church last week! Yeah?

Second of all, I'm feeling quite uninspired. Anyone have suggestions? Oh! How about one of those question and answer thingys? You ask me a personal question and I'll either A. answer it truthfully or B. lie. Yes?

I'll start. KT, if you and I were to hang out for a day, what would we do?

We'd spend the entire day at Disney World riding It's A Small World. Obviously.

Back

2009-02-27T18:41:00.000-05:00

We're back...will update later...possibly.

The Good News Is, It's Jan. 3rd and We've Already Met Our Deductible For 2009

2009-01-03T17:08:00.019-05:00

Which means next time I cut myself shaving my legs I'm going to the hospital to make the doctor put a Band Aid on for me.

We've been sick the entire Christmas vacation. Sadie had barely recovered from her RSV when she got an ear infection in both ears. Warren also came down with a cough and still hasn't recovered. Wednesday night Sadie woke up wheezing and with a bad cough, so we finally decided to take her into the Urgent Care on Thursday. I was hoping to avoid taking her in while we were in Oregon because our insurance is crap and if we go out of our network we have to pay out of pocket. Boo. Warren also went in because he had been coughing for two weeks and wasn't getting any better. They were both diagnosed with ear infections in both ears, and Warren had bronchitis on top of that. We spent $112 on prescriptions for the both of them, plus our little visit will cost us another $500 (or more). Happy freaking New Year. The next day Warren became so sick he couldn't get out of bed or keep anything down. Two of his three prescriptions said nausea was a side effect--one also included vomiting, but the other said to call the doctor if he started to throw up. I finally called the doctor that afternoon because Warren wasn't keeping anything down. When the nurse called back she told us to go to St. Vincent's Hospital in Portland. After several tests, a cat scan, and two bags of liquids, Warren was told he now has a severe sinus infection on top of the ear infections and bronchitis. He was then given three different prescriptions because the doctor thinks he may have had a reaction to the ones from the day before. Bonus.

I am horrible at dealing with sickness because I tend to assume the worst. A cough = pneumonia, headache = brain tumor, bloody nose = brain cancer, side ache = appendicitis, heartburn = heart attack (obviously), etc, etc. Basically, I haven't slept in weeks. Even though I know my neighbor didn't mean to bring her sick daughter over and get us all sick, I can't help but be a little mad at her for acting so blase about her child's cough. Especially when I found out her daughter had RSV. Pretty sure this particular neighbor has lost answering the door when she comes over privileges. At least until my family is better, plus the amount of weeks we were sick, and then maybe a couple additional months for the annoyance of us all being sick over Christmas break.

On a lighter note, here are a few pictures of Christmas morning.

Now please excuse me, it's time to suck snot out of Sadie's nose and clean out the barf bucket.

Ah Crap, THIS THING?

2009-01-01T01:24:00.005-05:00

(note: not a picture of me and Santa, just a picture of a creepy Santa that made me laugh until egg nog came out of my nose.)

Hey guys, it's like 2000 and 9! Remember when it was 2008? Stay tuned for a really awesome post featuring pictures of me on Christmas morning not wearing a bra. Or, maybe I'll just post a picture of my daughter. It will be a surprise.

Merry (late) Christmas and happy new year! My husband is sick and went to sleep early and I'm watching WWII documentaries on the History Channel. We totally know how to kick it. We're bringing down the hizzle foshizzle.

Sorry I Made You Drink Pedialyte

2008-12-17T21:08:00.014-05:00

Ahhh, my baby is finally asleep. Today has been one of those days, actually my first since motherhood, where I've been so tired that even pavement looks like a comfortable place to rest my head. A couple months ago Little T caught a cold and I felt like a champion mother because I was able to clear her nose and keep her happy. Two months ago I felt like I could handle this motherhood gig. Today I sat by the door and cried until Warren came home to rescue me. Little T has RSV plus an ear infection. She's not a happy camper, and somewhere between breathing treatments, antibiotics, and sucking out snot I sort-of had a bit of a melt down. Just a bit. I'm not quite sure what's worse for her-the RSV or having a complete anxiety case as a mother. Every two minutes I'm either undressing the poor baby to make sure she's breathing okay, or sticking a thermometer up her rectum, or shoving a blue sucker up her nose. It gets better, right? I'll become more rational the more I get used to this? OH, PLEASE SAY YES.

How do you parents do it? I read your blogs; I know you can manage multiple children, jobs, cooking, blogging, even fashion. Every time I run to the shop wearing slippers I think of how disgusted Azucar would be. I'm not going to lie, I was an offender of the occasional sweatpants grocery shop pre-child, but the occasional offense is now basically everyday. A nightmare of mine is to be stopped by Stacy London and Clinton Kelly from What Not To Wear-not because free clothes wouldn't be nice, but because I'd KNOW they'd been following me around for several days, and I'm really not comfortable with the world knowing exactly how much Neil Diamond I listen to when I'm alone.

My point: you parents are awesome, and if I didn't live so far away from my own mom I'd give her a big hug right about now to thank her for all those sleepless nights she took to suck snot out of my nose.

Bloggity Blog Blog Blog...whatever, Pictures with Santa.

2008-12-14T20:17:00.012-05:00

Hello Blogworld. I've missed you. I'd love to stay and chat, but I have procrastinating to do.

Enjoy/casually glance at the little miss' first pictures with that jolly ol' fellow. As you can see, she showed about as much interest in Santa as she did at the Pumpkin Patch. Talk about your holiday downer.

All right, I really just wanted to post that last picture of me with the curls in my hair because I bought hot rollers on sale for $5. HOT ROLLERS! Is this the ninties or what?

Bippity Boppity Bows

2008-11-22T00:43:00.003-05:00

My friend, Mandy, is having a free giveaway this weekend! And, since I know you all like free stuff, go check it out! Especially if you have little girls, or you are girly, or you know a girl, or you know someone with a girl.

I think her little bows and beanies are adorable. Now that I've figured out a way to tame The Saidster's hair, I'm all about the bows.

Go now and enter to win!

Seriously, why are you still here? Go here!

Remind Me To Tell You About the Time a Graduate Professor of Mine Strongly Advised Me To Take an ADD Test

2008-11-18T17:15:00.017-05:00

While organizing my room the other day I found these notes I had taken from a Summer Regional Conference at Disney World I attended with the brokerage firm I used to work for. As you can see, I made sure to take VERY detailed notes during all the presentations.

bla, bla, bla discretionary accounts, bla, bla, bla in service withdrawal, bla, bla stock funds, bla, Goldman Sacs...I wonder when Mickey comes? My legs hurt. I wish I had a cookie.

A Chinese woman in the bathroom just asked me to help her unzip her pants. I felt weird.

Mickey Mouse 8-8:30. Yahoo!

My right hand is bored of writing, so it's going to take a break now. (The rest of my notes were written with my left hand.)

Fireworks. 10pm. SHARP.

Diaper services in Oregon

Technology
Who cares how new printers were decided on? Seriously? We watched a video on that? That was 15 minutes of my life I'll never get back.

The Learning Site
I just saw DH pick his nose.

Stay. Focused.

I would have made a fine financial advisor. *sigh*

Six Random Facts, Because You Didn't Ask

2008-11-13T10:12:00.006-05:00

1. I can't use a lighter; burn myself every time.

2. I use bright colored pens whenever possible.

3. I just burned my thumb while trying to light a cinnamon flavored candle. It hurts pretty bad.

4. It was the thumb on my right hand, so now I'm stuck typing with only my left hand, and my ice pack is dripping all over my pants.

5. I hate that.

6. Stupid lighter.

Coolest. Church. EVER.

2008-11-04T16:37:00.005-05:00

Looks like someone besides my visiting teachers is interested in saving my soul. I found this attached to my door last week.

Double! Prize! Sunday! I LOVE bribery! One prize for showing up to church and one prize for bringing Warren! Do you think I could have haggled a deal to TRIPLE my prize for bringing a baby? Or quadrupled for donating a cat?

Too bad I missed it because I had to play the piano for primary kids. Did they give me a prize? NO. Did they even offer? Double no. My church had Double NO Prize Sunday last week. Well, except the kids were awarded treats for singing so nicely to the congregation and I probably snuck a couple for myself. If you count stealing snacks from four year olds, then I had Bagful of Prize Sunday.

Oh well. I bet the prize was lame anyway, like a raffle ticket to heaven or a bumper sticker.

Pig Tails!

2008-11-03T20:28:00.005-05:00

I pretty much just wanted to show off my impressive hair clipping talents. Yup, pretty much.

Kung fu baby.

Would This Freak You Out?

2008-11-02T10:30:00.006-05:00

Warren bought these grapes two months ago. They've been sitting in our fridge, apparently not going rotten.

Two months old and they still look somewhat edible. How many chemicals do you think it took to pull off that trick? Should I dare Warren to eat one?

BAD! KITTY!

2008-11-01T08:35:00.016-04:00

Remember that stray? The hungry kitty I couldn't turn away? Damnit. What is it with cats and their incessant desire to be loathed?

Cartman basically sums it up.

I know, I know, I shouldn't have fed her, but she was skinny and so grateful to have food in her belly. My heart broke for her! All I wanted was to love her and fill her tummy. Well, it took her one week to remind me why cats make me do this:

First she meowed to come inside, which was annoying, but understandable. Unfortunately for her, my insides turn when I think of letting a cat in my house, especially a stray one. Who knows what diseases she carries, and have you ever smelled a house a cat has peed all over? Yuck. Besides that, I remember when I was younger we had a calico cat, Pogo, who destroyed the wood around the garage and bedroom doors with her scratching (Pogo was eventually banished to the outdoors). Sorry, but the love in my heart toward animals is very conditional, and scratching something up is a sure way to to get unloved. Which is exactly what that bad kitty did.

Do you see all the small holes in my screen door? This is where bad kitty scratches when she wants to come in.

See the GAPING HOLE? This is where bad kitty JUMPED onto our screen after I put a big piece of cardboard down so she couldn't scratch at it anymore.

We started to spray her with water when she scratches, but I'm afraid our screen is already ruined. This morning we caught her sitting on the ledge outside our bedroom window, a window with a screen that has yet to be scratched. Warren grabbed some water to dump on her and this is what I found on my patio ten minutes later.

That would be cat shite.

I Made You a Halloween Treat

2008-10-31T10:11:00.002-04:00

This year I decided to go all festive and bake Halloween cupcakes! If any of you lived closer I would have shared. But you don't, so I ate them.

Happy Halloween, anyway!

After All, It's MY Blog

2008-10-30T10:48:00.022-04:00

I've debated these past weeks over whether or not I should post anything political on my blog. My friends and family know where I stand on certain issues, and let's just say my position gets a lot of grief from those I love. Which is why I've tried to stay away from politics, or any controversial issue with those who I know disagree with me. Mistakes in my past have taught me that it's better to save a friendship than end one over differing opinions. I hope I've grown up somewhat over the years and have come to recognize that I don't know everything (gasp).

However, that is all about to change right now, on this blog post, because my insides have started to burn and the opinionated side of me is scratching its way out. Let this be a warning to all of you WHOM I LOVE DEARLY to stop reading this second. Don't continue, shut off your computer or find another blog, because I'm about to go all leftist on yo ass.

Seriously, you know who you are. STOP READING.

Am I going to have to name names? I mean it.

STOP.

For the one or two of you left, I'm just going to throw it right on out there. Just toss it out straight off the bat. Hold on. Are you holding tight? Tighter. I'm an active Mormon who does NOT support and who is absolutely 100% AGAINST Proposition 8. I think it's bullshit. Now, I do admit I've been on the fence here and there about it. I've read articles on both sides of the issue to come to terms with my initial reaction to it and what I'm being told by the leaders of the church I belong to. It's a difficult place to be in, my friends (some of you who should not be reading this blog post because of the potentially awkward conversations at Christmas time). On the one hand, I like my church, I believe in the basic principles of it, I sing primary songs to my daughter, I like the idea of a loving Heavenly Father who doesn't want ANY of His children to go to hell. The LDS church brings me hope in living with my family forever. It's nice, it's peaceful, I like it. On the other hand, their involvement with this issue and the arguments put out in support of Prop. 8 make little sense to me. Like it or not, the whole marriage-only-between-a-man-and-a-woman and civil-unions-are-just-as-good stance sound like good ol' fashion prejudice to me. Not to mention civil unions AREN'T the same as marriages in that civil union couples have no federal rights, like married couples do. Then of course there's the whole fear that children are going to be taught homosexuality in schools, that all religions are going to be sued if they don't support gay marriage, the sky is falling, yadda, yadda, yadda. This is a civil issue and it's about equal rights.

Morris Thurston wrote a great article that addresses the typical arguments people use in support of Prop. 8. Thurston is a BYU graduate and received his law degree from Harvard Law School. It's worth the read.

http://www.mormonsformarriage.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/10/mat-responses-to-six-consequences-if-prop-8-fails-rev-1-1.pdf

If you're interested in hearing from other LDS members against Prop. 8, go here. If not, that's okay. My blog, my opinion--that's all.

Basically, yes, I disagree with the "church" on this one. I will respect your right to vote yes, if you respect my right to vote no on Florida's Prop. 2. Similarly, I probably would have voted in support of the ERA act, an act which would have granted fair pay to women, even though the LDS church encouraged its members to vote it down, arguing the passing of this amendment would pose a threat to the family. Sound familiar?

Bottom line, we're taught to never follow blindly, we're taught to "search, ponder, and pray." Know that I have, I have many times, and I simply can not support something I don't feel right about.

Whew, I almost feel better now. But, not quite. One more thing. Here it comes. Hang on, let me take a deep breath. Okay.

John McCain and Sarah Palin are starting to REALLY get on my last nerve. What in the dung is THIS about?

SHUUUUUUT UUUUP. Hey McCain, you want my vote? Tell me how your economic plan is going to pull us out of this mess. Convince me your health care plan is better. Explain to me why I can't find a health care company in Florida that will cover pregnancy, or why my neighbor can't find coverage AT ALL because she had preeclampsia with her last baby. Try to focus on issues that matter and quit insulting America's intelligence with your accusations that have NO FACTUAL BASE. And for the love, shut Sarah Palin UUUUP. Her accent makes my ears ring so badly I just drank an entire bottle of Children's Tylenol.

I hope we can all still get along. To prove to you I'm serious, here's a cute picture of a puppy:

Good Idea/Bad Idea

2008-10-29T05:29:00.013-04:00

Good idea: Carving pumpkins for Halloween.

Bad idea: Carving pumpkins for Halloween in Florida.

Just for kicks, here are a couple pictures of us at the pumpkin patch. I had to take pumpkin patch pictures because I'm a mom now and I have learned in all my mommy blog reading that moms take pictures of their kids at pumpkin patches and post them online. I don't know why they all do this, but my approach to parenthood is: do whatever everyone else does. Hence, pumpkin patch pictures.

We foolishly assumed our daughter would care about her first Halloween, but she doesn't seem to want to be bothered.

I'm a WINNER

2008-10-29T05:12:00.005-04:00

Rychelle awarded me with this cute blog award ages ago, and all I had to do to accept it was answer some simple questions in one word or less. The task must have seemed far too complex because I never got around to doing it until now. This morning I'm up early with a stuffed nose (the most annoying thing in the world next to people who stick their gum under tables) so I figure it's the perfect time to accept the following award. A big thanks to Rychelle!

1. Where is your cell phone? counter
2. Where is your significant other? sleeping
3. Your hair color? blonde?
4. Your mother? friend
5. Your father? wise
6. Your favorite thing? running
7. Your dream last night? hazy
8. Your dream/goal? adventure
9. The room you're in? family
10. Your hobby? sarcasm
11. Your fear? everything
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Oregon
13. Where were you last night? sleeping
14. What you're not? organized
15. One of your wish-list items? chocolate
16. Where you grew up? Oregon
17. The last thing you did? sleep
18. What are you wearing? PJs
19. Your TV? off
20. Your pet(s)? gross
21. Your computer? laptop
22. Your mood? tired
23. Missing someone? always
24. Your car? garage
25. Something you're not wearing? bra
26. Favorite store? Target
27. Your summer? hot
28. Love someone? yes
29. Your favorite color? pink
30. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
31. Last time you cried? huh?

That was hard. I'm glad Rychelle awarded me for my efforts. This blog award is my first step toward jazzing up this blog, because this blog definitely needs more jazz.

That's The LAST Time I Feed a Stray

2008-10-20T17:34:00.005-04:00

A couple nights before I went into labor a shabby looking calico cat came meowing at our backdoor. He/she (we're unsure because both Warren and I have strict rules against picking up cats to check out their privates) looked so hungry that I took pity on the little thing and fed it a can of tuna and some milk. The poor kitty wanted to come inside so badly to sleep; unfortunately, it picked my house where my charity towards cats ends at free food on my porch. We made Bonesy (we named him/her because I heard somewhere once you feed a stray it will come back...forever) a nice bed out of cardboard and old blankets, but Bonesy wanted none of it. He/she meowed ALL NIGHT to come in, but allowing that cat in my house would be like having a cat...IN MY HOUSE. I shudder at the thought of flees and cat hair and cat on my kitchen counter and cat licking private cat parts... Point is: Bonesy sat outside and slept on our porch that night. After that we didn't see Bonesy for over month.

A couple weeks ago Bonesy came back, and came back, and came back, and came back. Now the damn thing scratches at my screen door. This morning I heard the pitiful meow and grabbed my last can of tuna (we did buy it cat food, but Bonesy won't eat the cat food and instead leaves it on my back porch for the ants to get into. Fussy little shit). As I was dumping half a can into a bowl the can slipped out of my hand and fell BEHIND THE REFRIGERATOR! TUNA! BEHIND! REFRIGERATOR! ALL DAY until Warren can move it. ...I'VE STOPPED BREATHING.

You might say that me dropping a can of tuna is not necessarily the cat's fault. But, honestly, DOES IT MATTER?! There is TUNA exploded all over a wall and I CAN'T REACH IT.

It's as if the animal kingdom taunts me.

If I Were A Better Mom, I'd Comb My Child's Hair

2008-10-14T20:15:00.006-04:00

My child has crazy hair, and I used to fight it. I tried loading it up with conditioner, baby hair glue (yes, they make that stuff--it's crap, but they make it), anti-friz spray, you name it. It's no good; her hair sticks straight up. People tell me she'll lose it eventually, but it seems to be getting longer and more unmanageable. Now her roots are coming in white blonde, and THICKER. Not only does her hair stand straight up, but now she looks like she is in serious need of a color touch-up.

So, I've given up. I don't care if her hair makes her look like she drank all night and passed out in a pool of vomit. I don't even comb it anymore; it just does its thing and I accept that. Sure, I'll laugh at her and make clown jokes, but SO WOULD YOU.

Tonight Warno went to get the mail holding baby in his arms. A little girl who was at the mailboxes with her mom pointed to my beautiful child and said "Hi doggy!" Her mom took a second look and explained, "That's not a doggy, that's a baby."

Now I'm paranoid bows might make her look like a poodle.

Immunizations

2008-10-12T18:17:00.007-04:00

I have a question for all you parents, or non-parents if you have an opinion on the subject. What are your thoughts on when and how many shots your child should receive when being immunized? I tend to FREAK OUT over...well, over everything. When I recently took my daughter in, I spoke with the doctor about her receiving only two shots, but she talked me out of it and gave her three, plus an oral vaccine. That afternoon I called the doctor five times because the little one ran a fever, cried her sweet eyes out and both her legs were pretty swollen. At church today I spoke with a member who is a nurse and she told me she won't even let her kids get more than one shot at a time. She also advised having the ROTO and MMR on different days and not combining them with any other vaccines.

There is a lot of garbage on the Internet so I want to trust my doctor, but now I'm a little irritated that she talked me out of two shots at a time when I brought it up. I know I can be paranoid, so I would love to know what you all think.

How do you immunize your children?

Happy Birthday; I Got You Shots

2008-10-08T10:29:00.011-04:00

Yesterday baby turned two months old. I always thought it was lame when parents would say "Today is so-and-so's birthday--he/she is 5/4/3 months old," because come on, it's not really a birthday, maybe an anniversary, but not a birthday with cake and presents and a room full of children screaming obscenities (not at your birthday parties?). Then I had my own kid and EVERYDAY is a birthday. Except yesterday really was her birthday. It was her second month birthday, and we celebrated by taking her to get shots. She hated it, and if I agreed with not immunizing your children, I would never do that again. But as I tried to reason with Sadie yesterday, it's better to have a shot in your leg today than polio tomorrow.

Let me take a break here to brag about my sweet baby. Look, I realize everyone brags about how great their own baby is, and I'm going to go ahead and jump on the bandwagon, so deal with it. My baby is amazing with a capital A and a shimmy to the right. I'm pretty sure (like, 99.7%) that having a perfect baby as my first is some kind of twisted trick to convince me to have twelve more, and perhaps it's working, because I want twelve more. Imagine you had a doll and that doll came to life and did everything you wanted it to do and never cried and smiled at you every time you looked at it. That pretty much sums up my kid. My only complaint would be that she seems a little lazy, and may be somewhat of a quitter. For example, when she's hungry she will suck on her fist for about ten minutes as she waits for me to catch on. If I don't, she'll let out a tiny noise and then stare at me. But will she get angry? No, she'll fall asleep. When I put her on her belly so she can work her neck muscles, she'll fall asleep. Swing? Sleep. Books? Sleep. Church? Sleep. Other than my child's obvious lackadaisical approach to life and my fears she'll be left behind, she is the perfect little baby.

Also, I finally found a solution to that awesome, yet embarrassing hairdo, which I like to refer to as The Crazy.

I'd Like To Buy A Brain For $1000, Pat

2008-10-05T09:23:00.009-04:00

A couple weeks ago I had to make copies of my driver's license because the hub and I needed to buy a new car (my poor car decided to crap out on us after three years of me neglecting to take care of it, but it was an old car, so whatever). I went to Office Depot to make a couple copies and the ones I decided not to use I was very careful to dispose of properly just in case someone decided to steal my identity. Fast forward to a few days ago. I can't remember why I needed my DL, I mean, besides driving everyday, but I specifically needed it for something and I couldn't find it. After hours of searching, I remembered the last time I had seen it was at Office Depot. Sure enough, I had left my DL ON THE COPIER at Office Depot. It's a good thing I took the time to destroy the bad copies...

Also, my motivation to blog is nearly dead. WHAT?! I know, but it's true, and this time I can't even blame it on the baby because recently she's decided she prefers her swing to my arms, so I've had a bunch of free time, which I've spent either watching people fall down on YouTube or reading up on the Sarah Palin debacle. I keep waiting for some blogging inspiration, but so far nothing has come. Any ideas? What should I blog about? My sudden affinity for run-on sentences? Wal-Mart? Israel? My daugther's projectile poop?

Hi!

2008-09-22T21:26:00.009-04:00

I know, I know, I'm a blogging loser. It's just that, I'm lazy, see. I could play the new baby card, but really I have so much to tell you all that I don't know where to start. Not only that, but I have SO MUCH blog stalking to do! I really have missed reading all your blogs; I heart you people. Unfortunately, right now I need to help put dishes away and my baby is awake and smiling and well, I need to watch her smile. This motherhood gig is pretty damn fantastic.

I will, however, post a few pictures of the wee one for those family and friends who have threatened me if I don't come good on my promise.

Riddle Me This

2008-09-16T21:09:00.005-04:00

How can oil drop from $147 a barrel to $91 and yet I am still paying nearly $4 a gallon at the pump? Ike? Iraq? Speculators?

You tell me; then I might post a picture of the baby.

Oh, who am I kidding? Posting a picture of the baby will take finding my plug-in-thingy. Or perhaps learning the actual name of that computer plug-in-thingy. Or where it is. Or how to use it when/if I find it. Or why I still haven't read the instruction manual on my camera. Or why...nevermind, I'm going back to sleep.

Remember When I Used To Update This Blog?

2008-09-16T14:41:00.001-04:00

Yeah...me too.

All Right, Here's How It Went Down

2008-08-17T10:53:00.024-04:00

Warren is reading cute baby his lesson plan for today and while baby is pretending to be interested, I have time to finally update this blog.

My water ruptured last Tuesday at about 2:30am. First let me clarify for those of you who commented on how awesome I was for blogging during labor, while I don't want to take away from my awesomeness, I do have to admit that early labor contractions are nothing compared to the contractions that really count. Early labor was exciting and only slightly uncomfortable. Although, don't feel like you can't still perceive me as your hero.

I called my doula, Tracy (who we will hereby refer to as Super Tracy) when I noticed the leakage and was pretty sure it was not pee this time. She told me to start to time my contractions and call her when they were five minutes apart. I woke Warren up to tell him I was 98% sure I was in labor, but since I had hours of labor left to go he should go back to sleep. He sat in bed and stared at the ceiling for about an hour then decided it was time for him do a little "nesting." From about 3:30am until 4:00pm Warren cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned, and cleaned what he had just cleaned. He did laundry, vacuumed, re-washed clean dishes, scrubbed bathrooms, mowed the lawn...twice. I'm not positive, but I think I saw him lick our kitchen floor clean.

At around 6:00am, I called Super Tracy to let her know my contractions were closer together. They still didn't hurt, necessarily, but they were starting to get more regular. Super Tracy came over about a half hour later to coach me at home. Since my water had not gushed, and would only leak every time I had a contraction, we weren't worried about rushing to the hospital right away. In Florida doctors have 24 hours to deliver a baby once they know when the mother's water broke. I knew that if I went to the hospital too early I would be induced, and I wanted to avoid that. Once Super Tracy arrived my contractions became irregular again--every five minutes, then every fifteen minutes, then two an hour. We went on walks, did squats, ate a spicy sandwich at Subway, did more squats, watched an episode of Wipeout (my new favorite show on T.V. because what isn't funny about watching someone face plant and take a fall off a 10 foot platform?) Unfortunately, nothing helped move my contractions along. At 6:00pm, I finally felt like we should head to the hospital. My water had been leaking for 15 1/2 hours at this point and I was nervous that something might be wrong.

At the hospital the three of us waited for nearly TWO HOURS to be checked. I guess since we were all laughing in the waiting room we didn't exactly look like we needed immediate attention. Plus, I had just been in about 3 1/2 weeks earlier thinking my water had broken when it hadn't, so I figured they thought I had peed again. It turned out there were no beds available because every woman in Pasco, Co. decided to have her baby that day. At nearly 8:00pm I was taken back to be checked. The nurse on duty checked three times for amniotic fluid, but every test came back negative. She would have discharged me except she noticed mucus and called for the midwife. The midwife checked the water that had leaked on the bed and it tested positive for amniotic fluid, so I was admitted right then. I lied (but I'm not sorry) to the midwife about when the leak started because by this time it was almost 10:00pm and if I told her the truth I might have been hooked up to pitocin immediately. Super Tracy advised me to get some sleep and she would either be back in the morning, or her back-up doula, Super Emily, would come. My water gushed right before Super Tracy left, but my contractions STILL weren't regular, so we figured I had quite a while left and should sleep before the hard contractions started.

About 25 minutes after we said good-bye to Super Tracy my contractions kicked it up about a hundred notches and they went from slightly uncomfortable but fun and exciting to active labor, beat-me-over-the-head-with-a-metal-bat- and-it-hurts-to-walk-to-the-bathroom-so-someone-get-me-a-damn-bedpan contractions every 2-5 minutes. I called Super Emily in tears begging her to come to the hospital. I wanted to sleep but these contractions were a bit shocking and not nearly as easy to ignore. Super Tracy made it to the hospital before Super Emily and found me lying in my bed suffering silently. Super Emily showed up not long after and both of them sat and breathed with me, rubbed my back, and helped me through my contractions. I can not say enough good things about having a doula for my birth. Warren was great and did all he could, but with neither of us knowing what to expect or how to deal with the pain, Super Emily and Super Tracy were lifesavers. I would absolutely recommend a doula to anyone, especially first time parents.

My labor lasted the rest of the night. Around 2:00am I finally agreed to have narcotics to help me sleep. They worked for about 45 minutes and then they just made me loopy. My midwife told me she wanted to start pitocin at 6:00am and by that point I had had enough. I hadn't dilated, regardless of contracting all night, plus I knew I had lied about when my water had broken and now my water had been broken for over 24 hours. When the nurse came in to start the pitocin drip I was exhausted. I hadn't slept in two nights, I was in pain, and I was almost delirious. So, I asked for an epidural before the nurse started the pitocin. I was afraid with how tired I was that if I didn't get some sleep I wouldn't have the strength to push. At 7:30am the anesthsiologist came and hooked me up with the epidural. Oh. My. Gosh. It felt AMAZING. I literally wanted to make-out with the guy. After 29 hours of labor being drugged was awesome. I felt like a quitter for asking for the drugs, but since the midwife was going to give me pitocin anyway I figured what the hell. Two hours later I was checked and I had dilated to an 8. Two minutes after that I felt the urge to push, and a little under 30 minutes later our daughter was born. Easy peasy, right?

So here is what a Tickner baby looks like on the outside of the womb.

She loves it when the flash goes off in her face.

I think I'll do that again someday.

For Sara: STATS
Born at 9:56am 8/7/08
weight: 6 lbs. 4.5 ounces
length: 21 inches...or it may have been 20 inches. I think it was 20 inches...bah, I'm not good with details.
And her cry sounded like a cat's meow.

Hold up

2008-08-16T21:04:00.004-04:00

Okay, okay, I need to update this blog. Look, I've been busy; when I'm not staring at my new baby, I'm feeding her or changing her or...staring at her again. It never gets old. That's why I have yet to upload pictures and write about her birth. So, I hope this post can buy me some time. My baby rocks, and tomorrow I'll get this blog updated. As for right now, I must get back to creepy staring at cute baby.

HEY GUESS WHAT

2008-08-06T02:58:00.014-04:00

Either my water just broke or I am already suffering from some annoying incontinence. My contractions woke me up about half hour ago and that's when I discovered the leakage. I haven't timed my contractions yet, which I will have to try VERY hard to stay focused on. I'd much rather ignore the pain for as long as possible.

Since I've decided to labor at home for a little while longer, why not blog? Right? I sure wish the hospital had Wi-Fi (it doesn't, I already asked).

Holy shit, I'm having a baby. AND MY MOM IS NOT HERE YET.

Must. Not. Freak. Out.

The Results Are In!

2008-08-05T06:33:00.017-04:00

Thank you to everyone who voted! I've/you've decided that I will not induce labor unnaturally (unless I go overdue and my placenta dies, or something gross like that). As of today I only have about a week and a half to go until I'm 40 weeks, so what's another couple of days?

I appreciate all the comments, which motivated me to read TONS (two or three) of child birthing articles over the past week. Many of you asked if I was insane enough to go through labor without an epidural. My answer is: yes...and no. Keep in mind that I've never given birth before and if the pain gets too intense, or if I've labored for 20+ hours with no progress, I will be more than willing to get something to take the edge off. That being said, I totally want to do it 100% medication free. Why? Because, yes, I am THAT crazy. Something about the challenge excites me. I've taken the classes, hired a doula, and practiced relaxation, so I might as well give it a try. However, because I have no idea what to expect I am not completely closed off to the idea of pain medication. My doctor said I can have an epidural at anytime before the pushing starts, so we've decided to wait until I'm at least at a 5 or a 6 before I consider it. The plan is to avoid pitocin or a C-section if possible and the longer I can labor without an epidural the lower the chances are of either. We'll see what happens. My end goal is, of course, a healthy baby, so whatever it takes to get her here happy is all I really want (and a medal, possibly some cash, or a standing ovation).

And now for another question plaguing my mind: Why, why, WHYYYYYY?

I admit maybe I'm not "cool" or whatever, but when did creepy, cliche, stalker vampires become THE HOTTEST THING EVER? If you go here you can watch a scene and actually hear CHEERING when Edward shows up to bail whiny little Bella out of trouble. CHEERING.

Cheering for THIS guy:

REALLY? We're going to make that guy the next teen sex symbol? IS THE WAR ON TERROR NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU, PEOPLE?

Make! My! Decision! 2008!

2008-07-26T21:24:00.016-04:00

This is the first of many posts that will ask blog world to Make! My! Decision! I'm really not a fan of decisions and I seem to wait around for a sign of sorts before I do anything, but now with the Internet I can ask YOU to make all future decisions for me. All right!

Today's decision: Should I be induced, or wait to go into labor naturally?

I've been thinking about having a completely non-medicated, natural child birth. My husband and I hired a doula and we've been working on our birthing plan and learning all sorts of cool (and probably ineffective) ways to control labor pains. I was all for natural birth, until last Thursday when my doctor mentioned he'd induce me anywhere between 38-40 weeks if I wanted him to. Now I'm torn between wanting to do the natural thing and WANTING TO HAVE THIS BABY NOOOOOOOW. Since everyday I get bigger, retain more water, and find it more difficult to stand up I feel like I would do anything to end pregnancy; however, should I induce labor and mess with Mother Nature? Is my discomfort a valid enough reason to kick this child out of my uterus?

What do ya'll think? I'm leaving this decision completely up to you. Whatever you decide I will totally do. The only unacceptable answer is, "do what you feel is best" because what I feel is best is chaining myself to the hospital doors until someone agrees to induce me tonight.

I have one week to make this decision. You can vote as many times as you like. Go!

P.S. "Pray about it" as an answer will also be thrown out.

Dear Baby,

2008-07-20T20:20:00.003-04:00

I'm bored. Can you be born NOW?

Also, while I'm making requests, it would help me out a great deal if you had a smallish head.

Much thanks.

"Brother, Can You Spare a Dime"

2008-07-17T11:47:00.006-04:00

The appropriate time to get into an economic/health care discussion with your baby doctor is NOT on the same day you have your Group B Strep test. If you do get into such discussion on such day with your baby doctor you will most likely feel awkward talking about the looming recession/health care crisis due to the fact that you're not wearing any pants. I don't care what you think, NOTHING you could possibly say will sound intelligent in your head because the only thought you'll be capable of is, "I'm not wearing any pants."

I'm also convinced I have pregnancy induced aboulia, and I'm pretty sure my husband will agree since I've started to make him chew for me.

Let's All Applaud Florida's Scholastic Excellence

2008-07-12T22:57:00.007-04:00

The only aspect about using a public toilet I enjoy is reading the comments carved into the stalls. I love that these bathroom stall poets carve their messages into the stalls, as if the message is so important, their love so deep it had to be written somewhere public, and not just in ink, but it must be CARVED with some sharp weapon of sorts. That, my friends, is inspiring. I can't say I've ever had a message I needed to get out to the world so desperately that I felt compelled to carve it, let alone on the stall wall of a bathroom. Perhaps what I lack is more depth.

This afternoon I had the honor to bask in the enlightened genius of another bathroom stall poet. Right there in the Pasco County, Florida Wal-Mart bathroom were the passionately moving words of an anonymous author carved into stall #3:

"I maied big poop."

Guilt, Rage, Panic, Outbursts, Bah, Bah, Bah

2008-07-09T15:40:00.012-04:00

I know I write more about the negative aspects of pregnancy than the positive, and that sometimes I forget how cool it is to have a real little person in my belly, and how I get to be the one to feel her move around and bond with her and know her little funny womb habits, but you know what? Deal with it, I'm cranky.

I decided to take a personal leave of absence from my job before my maternity leave kicks in, and the guilt associated with feeling like I gave up is overwhelming right now. For the past couple months I've been emotional like never before, and those who know me know that I can be pretty emotional. In normal-KT mode I tend to deal with stress by taking on more stress. Case in point: while in graduate school I also worked three other jobs, danced on a dance company, and tried to train for a marathon while fundraising with the non-profit organization, TNT, to fight leukemia. WhAaaat? Yes, yes I tried to do all of that. AT THE SAME TIME. This was also the semester I was engaged to a boy from South Africa and trying to juggle my mom's ideas from Oregon and Warren's mom's ideas from South Africa, and figuring out what my ideas were (if I had any) at the same time knowing I could possibly be making a huge mistake by marrying someone who lived on the other side of the world, and moving to South Africa for an indefinite amount of time. Needless to say my life came crashing down on me one week before I was supposed to leave for South Africa when I dislocated my knee and had a breakdown that eventually landed me in a room with padded furniture. I'm not kidding.

Why am I sharing this with blogworld? I don't know...but that experience taught me how to effectively deal with stress, and more importantly how NOT to deal with it. One of my favorite professors at BYU, Dr. Cox, pulled me into her office and told me there are two ways depression manifests itself: either through tears, ambivalence and sleeping, or through what I was going through--taking on too much to avoid feeling anything. She told me then I needed ease up and take care of myself by recognizing what I was going through and making changes in my life. Unfortunately, she told me this in May of that year and I continued to beat myself up until my breakdown in December. Sometimes I like to learn the hard way.

Since then I've made an effort to only take on those things I know I can handle. I've been able to learn skills to deal with anxiety attacks when they come on and how to stop one pretty early before it turns into full-blown, debilitating panic. That's not to say I haven't had my occasional bad days, but for the most part just recognizing my problem and knowing how to cope in a more healthy way has helped me be much happier. It's not easy, but I can handle it now and have found room in my life to laugh and enjoy the small things.

Or I should say I COULD handle it pre-massive proportions of estrogen pumping through my body. These past few months have been INSANE. I know how to deal with anxiety attacks now, hell, sometimes they're even entertaining (like the time I freaked out over all the Chester molesters in my neighborhood and printed off their faces on the Chester molester site and made Warren burn the list up in our driveway just so I could feel safe from the bad guys), but it's the first kind of depression I've felt recently and it's wiping me out. At any given moment I am about to either bite off some one's head or cave into myself with tears and self-deprecation. For example, I forgot to bring pillows to a birthing class Warren and I are taking (apparently pushing a baby out requires a certificate) and I had a meltdown over it. PILLOWS. In my mind I couldn't do anything right and I was going to fail as a mom, and what was I doing having a child anyway? PILLOWS. These meltdowns happen at least 3-4 times a day, usually two smaller ones and one or two 45 minute crying episodes. It has affected my motivation to do anything and everyday has been a challenge just to wake up and take a shower. I've felt like I've been treading water to survive and it has sucked in catastrophic proportions. The worst part is I've been too embarrassed to talk to my doctor about it. The last time I was in his office I had an episode over my weight and he laughed at me (with good reason), but I was unsure how to tell him about all the other dark thoughts going on. It wasn't about my weight, my weight is just an easy scapegoat that I'm used to blaming my life's failures on. It's deeper and scarier than that and I have been ashamed to say HELP.

Last night it all about crashed again. I woke up in the middle of the night with my fists clenched so tightly my arm hurt. This morning I woke up fully prepared to face my stress, to face a high stress job, to organize what I've left go unorganized and take back control of my life. However, instead I decided to take a personal leave, and the guilt over quitting is almost as bad as the fear of failing. Part of me wants to buck up, say to myself that I'm pregnant and this is hormones and lots of women can manage just fine, but the other part of me wants to hide in the bathtub and sob. I guess today I gave into the latter and my next step needs to be accepting that right now that's okay.

On the upside, a nurse from the hospital told me that all these emotions are probably a sign that I have high amounts of estrogen, which makes for a baby with strong lungs. I'm hoping this means she's a singer and we can exploit her talent to make us really, really rich.

Something About My Membranes?...No, I Just Peed My Pants

2008-07-06T16:11:00.024-04:00

In order to avoid getting too intimate over the Internet, let's just say for the past few days I had been "leaking" a bit. Not a lot, just a bit. Right before we had to leave for church today (ironically), I started to get a little freaked out. First let me back up and say that I receive those e-mails from BabyCenter.com, you know the ones that tell you what to expect each week of pregnancy. The one I received for this week mentioned something about the signs of preterm labor, so naturally that's what I freaked out about. My mom called and I asked her if what I was experiencing was normal, and her answer was the same as it is every time I ask her a pregnancy question:

"I don't know, I only went into labor once with your older brother and that was over thirty years ago!"

Hey Mom, would it have been too much to have KEPT A JOURNAL about this stuff? I'm trying to bond with you here.

My mom advised me to call my doctor, so I did. When the midwife called me back and I described to her my symptoms she said I may have ruptured my membranes and to go to the hospital to get checked. She also asked me if I had had any cramping or discomfort as well. Uh, maybe? I would pretty much describe pregnancy as overall discomfort. My tummy tightens up sometimes and I'm ALWAYS in some sort of pain. I'm almost nine months pregnant, and so far this experience has been less than a carnival ride for me, so I'm not quite sure which part of the discomfort is normal and which part is cause for alarm. Today I chose to be alarmed, and when I was told to go get checked I thought it might also be fun to throw in an anxiety attack of sorts, just for kicks.

Instead of church Warren and I headed straight off to the emergency room (except we did make one stop when we saw about six vultures devouring some kind of road kill and Warren asked, "Do you want to see what they're eating?" and I said "YEAH I DO!" THEN we went straight to the ER after we saw it was an armadillo).

After a few tests were run on my urine and samples were taken it was determined that everything was normal. Baby is happy and fine. Although, if she isn't born with some kind of paranoid twitch I'm going to be incredibly surprised.

We spent the rest of the afternoon doing this:

Dear Warren, This One's For You

2008-07-04T15:18:00.004-04:00

Those who know me know that my husband is NOT American. He was born and raised in South Africa, but he's colonial. In other words, he holds a BRITISH PASSPORT {gasp}. Well, in celebration of this awesome nation where I'm from, this one is for you, sweetheart.

http://view.break.com/530967 - Watch more free videos

Happy America Day!

Don't Vote For Him, He's A Muslim!

2008-07-03T11:38:00.013-04:00

Today I had a conversation with an elderly lady and we somehow got into a discussion about the upcoming presidential election. She mentioned that there had been talk about Jeb Bush joining John McCain's campaign as vice president. I asked her what her thoughts were on what that might do to McCain's campaign, given the Bush family's low popularity at the moment.

She answered, "What I don't understand is how everyone really wants Obama to win. I mean, what is he about?"

Here I think we're about to get into an intelligent political conversation, and I said, "I've heard that argument against Obama--that he may not have the experience necessary for such a big job, or that he might just talk the big talk."

Then she interrupted and said, "No, I mean, what IS he. Like, is he a Muslim or something?"

Oh.

Ethnically.

She was confused over what Obama could possibly be ethnically. Yes, I understand now. He's not white, and with a name like Obama, I can see her trouble. Old people make me laugh on the inside.

I guess it won't matter in the long run how confused she is over Obama's ethnicity, since she is from Florida and we all know Florida is going to eff it up anyway.

UPDATE: It's been brought to my attention that this lady possibly became confused after she received an e-mail accusing Obama of being a "radical Muslim." If you have received that same e-mail, click here to read more. And, in case you're still confused, it's crap. Crapity crap.

I'm Gonna Rent Me a Backhoe An' Uproot Dat Tree. I Wanna Know Where Da Gold At.

2008-07-02T13:00:00.013-04:00

For those of you who have never heard of Heather B. Armstrong, or have not read her fantasic blog, www.dooce.com, crawl out from under your rock and go there RIGHT NOW. Yesterday she posted a video so funny it rivals with Rick Astley's Never Gonna Give You Up.

Click on the last video she posted. It will bring you more joy than waking up to a brand new Huffy on Christmas morning.

You're welcome.

Personally, I Don't Think Enough Teens Are Getting Pregnant

2008-06-25T21:40:00.011-04:00

Lately there has been concern over the 17 teens from Gloucester High School in Mass. who supposedly made a pregnancy pact to have babies together. I suppose when you first read this story you may be a little saddened, worried even. What teenage girl is prepared to raise a child? How would a young girl prepare herself for such a huge responsibilty? Well, personally, I believe most teenage girls are perfectly able to handle the responsibilty of raising a child while still striving for the best in life. Take Victoria for example.

What is everyone worried about? Victoria has it all figured out.

She will do whatever it takes to take care of her baby, even if that means prostituting out her body. Here's a girl with a plan.

She is going to dress her baby in all brand names, and if she can't support her baby then she guesses she's going to sell it. Hm, that must be Plan B.

She has everything her baby will need. Colorful blanket, check. Plastic toys, check. Big scary stuffed frog, check.

If her baby loses its binky, she has THREE more. THREE. That baby is going to be soooo lucky.

She's not just having sex with one boy, no, she's having sex with three. THREE. This girl is willing to take risks, and I admire her for that. She's also had sex over 300 times. This is obviously something she is willing to work hard for.

She has dreams to drop out of school to be on Girls Gone Wild and have her baby. I envy her ambition.

There's nothing her stupid mother can say to change her mind. She's got focus, people.

It's cool, she's totally got it like that.

So what's the big teen pregnancy fuss about? I don't get it.

Shameless Dependency

2008-06-22T21:24:00.010-04:00

After much thought, intensive pro and con list creation, and bribery from my mother Warren and I have decided to move back to Oregon. I know, I know, but we just moved to sunny Florida. Yes, and Florida is great, but it's missing one crucial factor: MY MOMMY. Maybe we could have fooled ourselves to believe it was possible for both Warren and I to work full-time jobs and raise an emotionally stable child who would spend 10+ hours in daycare if it weren't for the unwelcome advice from strangers, or for their constant questioning of what family support we had out here to help us. These questions triggered my anxiety and I realized maybe waking up at 4am unable to breath from panic might be a sign that Florida is just too far away to raise a child. I still haven't read any of the baby books (although, I did pick one up and read the summary on the back), and everytime I bring up changing a diaper Warren gets this look on his face like he's planning his escape to Australia to live barefoot on the beach and surf all day. People tell me motherhood will come natural, but they also told me that once I had my own house I would care how it's decorated, or that marriage would motivate me to cook, or that pregnancy isn't that bad (all lies).

Basically, we decided being close to family at this stage in our lives was more important than living close to the Bahamas or Disneyworld. Staying in Florida would mean Warren continues to commute a total of three hours a day (so he is gone for 14 hours!) and with me working 10+ hours starting with Edward Jones baby would basically be raised by daycare. That just didn't seem fair. It was a hard decision, but whenever I think maybe we could stay in Florida I look at those blurry 4D pictures of our sweet baby and see her deformed little nose and scary ghost eyes and think yeah, we're doing this so she can live the good life.

Scary picture of baby #1

Scary picture of baby #2

What the hell?

So much for playing it up in sunny Florida. Goodbye, sun. Please come visit me in Oregon. I promise to wear sunscreen.

Things I Learn When I Talk To My Neighbors

2008-06-19T20:45:00.012-04:00

1. The KKK lives right down the street. That's right. The KKK is alive and well in Hudson, Florida. Where am I? Seriously? The KKK.

2. When a old person dies, the neighborhood puts a black flag on their mailbox so everyone knows who passed. As if the 14 ambulances and 3 fire trucks didn't give it away.

3. The average family income in Hudson is $29,000/year.

4. Local business make more money in food stamps than in cash.

5. An accountant told me people here were too poor to buy beer. BEER. This economy is screwed.

6. Despite what my home insurance company told me, our house is sitting on a big, fat sinkhole.

7. I shouldn't mess with the big trucks unless I want to die.

8. Bodies have turned up on the trail I walk on, so I should probably find a new place to waddle.

9. There are over 200 sex offenders within five miles of our house. Talk about stranger danger.

10. No one in Hudson mows/waters their lawn unless forced to by deed restrictions and/or heavy fines.

11. Hudson has the highest teen pregnancy rate in all of Florida. Wal-Mart locks up their pregnancy tests behind a glass case.

12. There are almost as many gun stores as there are Subways.

13. I know where Shrek and Fiona live, or at least a couple who claims to be the "real" Shrek and Fiona. Fiona is a school teacher who also believes she's a witch. And she sells Avon.

14. Always stay on paved roads, and if I get lost on a dirt road I should get prepared to be shot.

15. Stay away from the Winn-Dixie after dark.

My neighborhood can beat up your neighborhood.

Then and Now

2008-06-17T19:58:00.009-04:00

This evening Warren and I were talking about our brief two week romantic fling in South Africa before we decided jumping into marriage would be completely logical. Now, after three years Warren is finally admitting to his TRUE feelings.

KT: You know when the first time I thought I could spend the rest of my life with you was?

Warren: Cinsta (this is where we were married)

KT: No, it was that day we were in Cape Town in 2005 when you sat and waited with me for SIX HOURS as I got those ugly braids in my hair even though I knew you hated them. You even asked if I was hungry and ran to get me something to eat. I remember thinking how sweet and patient you were.

Warren: I was so pissed off.

HA! I love that boy. In other news, by popular demand, here are the prego pictures many of you have requested. If someone could explain to me the excitement in seeing pictures of a fat belly that would be helpful. Next time I'm posting pictures of my new cleavage. Don't think I won't do it.

Oh, one of THOSE posts

2008-06-14T19:48:00.008-04:00

That's right. This is when I post 4D ultra sound pictures of my 31 week old fetus and you pretend you can tell what my child looks like from the blurry photos in order to tell me how cute she is. Ready? Go!

Yeah, so?

2008-06-04T07:15:00.007-04:00

I do plan to post pictures one of these days. It's just...Warren and I (read not Warren, just me) are SO LAZY when it comes to downloading pictures onto the computer. I don't know how and don't want to learn (because why learn when I could get Warren to do it?) and I'm pretty sure Warren isn't on the ball because he's waiting for me to learn how to do something for myself. Whatever. My point is: Pictures are not my forte, okay? But, one of these days I promise (don't hold your breath, my promises are shallow) I will post one more picture of my fat belly so you can all look at me and think "Holy crap, that's a big belly." In the meantime, you're just going to have to take my word for it.

Or, you could take the word of the kind strangers who have felt inclined to let me know just how far my belly sticks out. The following are comments I've received in the last week.

"Are you sure you're only seven months? You look like you're about a month overdue."

"When are you due?" (me: 2 1/2 more months) "Huh...you just got one in there?"

"I bet you deliver early because you're so big already. Most people don't show much with their first, but wow, you show a LOT! You're going to go early, don't you think she's going to go early? I didn't show that much EVER."

"Look how fat you are!"

"I just wanted to let you know that you waddle."

My self-esteem is soaring right now...

WhaaAAT? Did yesterday really just happen?

2008-05-25T07:49:00.012-04:00

Drama! Drama! Drama! And, not even the good kind that's fun to gossip about.

Yesterday started out with Warren and I going on a walk and finding a twelve year old boy, covered in blood, walking down the road who had just been beaten up by his father. The boy is in state custody now, but who knows what will happen to him in the future. The situation we dealt with broke my heart into little pieces. That's all I'm going to say about it, except WHAT KIND OF TOSSER BEATS UP HIS CHILD?

It ended with Warren and I going to a birthday party for one of our friends at a bar in St. Petersburg and Warren getting attacked by some random drunk guy. We were talking with our friend's parents and her aunt jokingly waived a glow stick in front of this guy's face. Apparently, he thought it was Warren because he turned around, grabbed Warren by the neck and shoved him into a column inside the bar. Within seconds Warren had the guy in some kung-foo throat grip on the floor, so no punches were thrown. I, of course, was freaking out like the enormous baby that I am, convinced that someone was going to die (I'm a bit dramatic when it comes to violence). I should have felt relieved to know that my husband can definitely defend himself without hurting the other person (Warren just placed the guy on the floor and held him in a grip so he couldn't throw punches), but the event still put me into hysterics. Drunk guy eventually was told what had happened and apologized to Warren, but seriously, WHO REACTS LIKE THAT? You get a glow stick waved in your face and you automatically think to turn around to attack someone? What variety of testosterone supplements was he taking?

Then, to add color to the evening, there was the drunk Vietnam vet who I was mean to (and I still feel guilty about) because he would not leave us alone outside the bar while I was trying to calm down. He wasn't asking for money, just muttering incoherent sentences and not picking up on obvious social cues to go the hell away. And, finally, on our way home we saw a car on the freeway that was about to lose its rear left wheel. I told Warren I couldn't handle a fatal car accident on top of everything else, so to please hurry and find another route home before the car in front swerved out of control.

Sometimes I am really grateful that I don't get out much these days...

Because sometimes life is better when you have someone else to laugh at

2008-05-23T15:15:00.002-04:00

I dare you to watch this video and not laugh till you cry at the guy around minute 1:08. Go ahead.

Broken

2008-05-15T18:05:00.014-04:00

Yesterday I started to panic over the thought have HAVING A BABY. Not necessarily the labor part so much (I'm blocking that out), but actually having a baby in our home and the whole responsibility for another life deal. The thing is, I'm domestically broken. There isn't a single bone/vein/atom/whatever in my body that is domestic (except for my OCD over having a clean bathtub). The only time I have ever thought about being bothered by it is when someone has looked at me funny for saying something like, "I'm not going to make it to recipe exchange tonight because I don't know how to cook, and since my husband and I don't really like to eat much, I'm not motivated to learn." My mother and my mother-in-law have graciously tried to show me how to cook, but I tune out every time. Warren's sister bought us this snazzy steamer dealio and my mother-in-law showed me how to use it while she was here. Guess what happened to that steamer when she left. It went right back in the box and is now collecting dust in my cupboard along with my bread maker, George Foreman grill, various rice cookers, slow cookers, blenders, and any other kitchen appliance which requires a plug.

But, it's much worse than me not knowing how to cook. My domestic ineptness runs much, much deeper than that.

Example #1: Before I was engaged I could care less about weddings, or thinking about my future wedding, or dreaming about what I wanted, etc. When I went to sleep at night I dreamt about what next adventure I would go on, which country I would buy my next ticket to, what I was going to change my major to next. I always assumed that when or if I did get engaged I would care then. But, I didn't. Sure, once I was engaged I tried here and there to plan my wedding, but I was so bad at details it didn't take me long to give up. I never even looked at a bridal magazine. My mother and my mother-in-law planned to whole thing. My mother-in-law is fantastic with details. She would send me e-mails with spread sheets on everything she had done and what still needed to be done, and I didn't even read them. It got to the point where I would just respond to her with "looks great!" and have no idea what I had just agreed to. My husband picked the music; my sister-in-law picked out the fabric for the bridesmaid dresses, and the colors in those bridesmaid dresses ended up being my wedding colors; my mom did the table settings, designed my invitations, addressed them, mailed them, and did whatever else she could do in Oregon to plan a wedding in South Africa; my mother-in-law did the flowers, the cake, the bouquet, and the...everything else. The only thing I did for my wedding was pick out a wedding dress, and only because my mom told me I had to because she wanted the whole mother/daughter/try on wedding dresses experience. Warren and I joke that the theme for our wedding was "Duck, Dodge, and Delegate." WHAT GIRL DOESN'T CARE ABOUT HER OWN WEDDING?! This girl. This girl didn't. I cared about who I married and the rest didn't matter much.

Example #2: I've never been much of a decorator. My friend, Emily, pointed this out to me in high school when she asked me why I still had a picture of myself as a baby hanging up in my bedroom. This was the first time it had occurred to me that maybe that picture didn't just go there. Maybe I had the choice to take it down and hang something else up. Like garbage. Everyone would tell me that when I got my own house I would change; that suddenly I would care about decorating and start reading magazines to get ideas, and that it would all magically come to me. As if my domestic side was waiting to scratch its way out and all I had to do was buy a house. Well, we have a house now and guess what. No pictures on the walls. Warren picked out our couches, and as much as he tried to involve me in the process I still didn't care. We only have couches in our family room, our living room is empty and it doesn't bother me. An empty room for me is like a big playroom I can build a fort in! We still use plastic containers for dressers, we haven't bought overhead lights yet, which means our only form of lighting once it gets dark are $7 lamps from Wal-Mart we bought as a "band aid solution" until we found something we liked. We've owned this house almost six months now and the idea of going into Home Depot to pick out lighting is soooo uninteresting to me I could fall asleep right here in my chair. When my mom came out to help us get settled she kept trying to get me to buy a plant, or a picture, or a cute bathroom rug, or "ANYTHING FOR YOUR HOUSE, KT," but I was either too cheap or more interested in gummy worms. When she left we still had done nothing. Sure, I made up the excuse that I wasn't feeling well, or we didn't need it right now, or that I would do it later, but the truth is, I just didn't care. And thinking about everything we had to do, all the details, and what to hang where, and having to water a plant was too much stress when all I wanted to do at that moment was eat my gummy worms. So, here we are, four months after my mom left and our house still has nothing hanging on the walls and empty rooms. Neither Warren nor I seemed to be bothered.

Example #3: I never thought about being a mother. I never thought about my future kids, or picked out baby names, or talked about how many I wanted, or lingered in the baby section at Target. Instead Warren and I talked about living in Australia for a few years, in fact, we were going to start the immigration paper work this past Jan. (sorry, Mom). I had just landed this sweet job with Edward Jones and I wanted to take trips to the Caribbean and play with all our money and no kids. But all that changed when we found out I was pregnant. Not that I wasn't excited to be pregnant, but motherhood was simply not something I longed for. I know, terrible isn't it? Everyone told me that once I was pregnant it would change, that I would start "nesting," or whatever. Well, I'm almost seven months pregnant and guess what. I still don't dally in the baby sections, our "baby" room is empty, my mom, in-laws and sister-in-law have bought more for this baby than I have. I went to Babies R Us and about lost it in the isle because I was so overwhelmed with all the baby junk. I haven't read the pregnancy books, or any books on babies, I don't even know any nursery rhymes! I tried to remember the story of the Three Little Pigs, but I couldn't! WHAT HAPPENS TO THOSE DAMN PIGS?!

Which brings me to my anxiety attack yesterday. The cooking, the house, the wedding--none of that really matters. But, the BABY? SHE matters. I have no idea how to be a mom, or what I need to do, or how to change a diaper, or where to buy diapers, or if I should use cloth diapers, or how to prevent butt-rashes, or how to make her room all cute, or what toys to buy, or how to child-proof my house, or what babies do, or how to bath her, or nurse. What if I can't do it? What if I go crazy? What if I hate being a mom? Nothing else I have done up to this point has seemed as scary as what I'm about to do in three months (and I've jumped in a freaking shark cage for hells sake). But, for the first time in my life I care about figuring it out. The more pregnant I become the more like I mom I begin to feel. The less I care about my career, the more I am willing to sacrifice financially to stay home, the more important this little girl becomes. She's not even born yet, but there is nothing, NOTHING I would rather do than fix all my domestic flaws for this little life who is currently giving me heartburn.

(Warren said that I sound like I'm not interested in marriage, so I felt like I needed to clarify. WHO I married was very important to me. Warren--you know I love you and that you are my life, and that sometimes when you ask me why I'm crying before I go to sleep it's because I'm thinking about how much I love you and how my life is better than I could have ever expected because of you. Now, quit being sad over the fact that I have yet to frame a single wedding photo and go eat your pre-prepared grocery store meal from Winn-Dixie.)

While eating a delicious lunch at Panera Bread

2008-05-10T13:48:00.003-04:00

Hey Warren, what would you do if I were a great cook who made homemade chicken noodle soup in a homemade sourdough bread bowl?

I'd probably be happier and enjoy going to church more.

I'm sorry, honey, but that's not enough incentive.

Why you should start tipping your local Quick Stop clerk

2008-05-10T09:18:00.005-04:00

What I learned today

2008-05-01T07:24:00.000-04:00

Now I'm confident that if this financial advisor gig doesn't work out, I'll have something to fall back on.

A little bit of aggravation

2008-04-26T07:57:00.001-04:00

The Radio From Hell Show on X96 (a radio station in Utah) does a segment on Wednesdays called "Things That Must Go." It's pretty funny, so I thought I would share my own list of things that annoy me and must stop. If any of you have anything you would like to add, please feel free.

1. People who pee on toilet seats in public restrooms and LEAVE IT THERE. Look, I understand the concept of squat and pee, but if you miss the seat, please wipe it up. Your urine, your responsibility. I promise you there are no bathroom leprechauns who frolic in after you leave to wipe up your mess for you. I don't want to have to wait in a longer line because you grossed up one of the limited stalls for everyone else, and I certainly don't want to be the one who has to clean up after you. It's real simple, people. Take some tissue and WIPE IT UP. Or better yet, learn how to use a freaking toilet. And while we're on the subject, you know that little shiny handle above the seat you just peed all over? That's what we use for flushing. Flushing is that whooshing sound you hear when a civilized person walks out of a bathroom stall. When you flush, your crap disappears down a magical hole and that way I DON'T HAVE TO LOOK AT WHAT YOU JUST DID.

2. Maternity clothes As if pregnancy wasn't uncomfortable enough, someone decided to invent tight, elastic flaps and sew them into pants made out of heavy cotton. Which, I suppose wouldn't be so bad if I lived in Montana and had to dig through the snow to get to my car everyday, but in FLORIDA? COME ON. First of all, has anyone checked the temperature in Florida? It's a billion degrees outside, and I'm not keen on wearing thick cotton when I'm already over-insulated with all this baby making stuff. Especially not with some elastic band pressing on my belly. I also don't want to wear form fitting jeans that accentuate my expanding butt and thighs. Honestly, I need comfort while I create life to keep me from violently beating strangers in the mall and these clothes AREN'T HELPING.

3. People who litter QUIT! LITTERING! IF I SEE YOU LITTER I WILL FOLLOW YOU HOME AND SIPHON YOUR GAS.

4. Anything mini made in plus sizes If you're overweight, don't wear clothes where I can see your buttocks unless you want your picture circulating all over the Internet.

5. Crocs Enough said.

I passed!

2008-04-14T17:51:00.000-04:00

For the past two months I haven't left the house and have all but kicked personal hygiene to the curb as I prepared for the Series 7 Exam. It was a pretty intense test. Edward Jones has a great training program, and they completely support and sponsor you for the exam, which is nice--only if you don't pass, you're fired. Talk about pressure. It was brutal; especially since I graduated in Social Work and haven't taken a financial class in...oh, never (unless you count high school Personal Finance; unfortunately, check writing was not tested on the Series 7). I had to study 12-14 hour days, 7 days a week just to make sense of any of it. Needless to say, passing this exam was a huge relief.

Warren has been absolutely amazing these past two months. I mean, he's pretty damn awesome in general, but I love him SO, SO much for everything he did to support me through it.

THANK YOU, WARREN! Thank you for cleaning and doing the laundry (which, come to think of it, you usually do anyway). Thank you for never complaining when you would come home from a long day at work, which included a three hour commute, and I would tell you there's Top Ramen in the cupboard if you wanted to eat, and then ignore you completely. Thank you for bringing me home orchids to make my day. Thank you for hugging me every time I cried. Thank you for your encouragement. Thank you for listening as I explained about the Securities Act of 1933, and acting like you cared. Thank you for taking me out to eat when I needed to get out of the house, even though I made you sit and quiz me the whole two hours. Thank you for not complaining about my smell after I hadn't showered in three days (or washed my hair in five). Thank you for doing all the grocery shopping and remembering that I LOVE HUMMUS and buying it for me even though I didn't ask you to--you just remembered because you knew it would make me happy. Thank you for our pretty new garden, which is the prettiest garden in the whole neighborhood. Most of all, thank you for being the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love you.

Motherhood

2008-04-10T21:06:00.000-04:00

This morning my mom and I were talking about everything that needs to be done before Baby T arrives. I love talking to my mom about my baby when she's telling me about all the cute things she is buying for her, but I don't like talking to my mom about this baby when she brings up all things I have to do to get ready.

I normally try to avoid any conversation that implies future work on my part. And, I especially dislike conversations with my mother when I learn how clueless I am.

Here's how our conversation went:

"Mom, when you had Ryan (my older bro.) were you terrified?"

"Well, no one was there to help me, and I was really unprepared. I thought I was just going to have the baby and everything was going to be perfect."

"Oh...that's kind-of what I've been expecting. What could be so hard about taking care of a baby? Don't they just sleep all the time?"

Silence. Then, "Maybe you should take a pre-natal class."

Beer Gut Baby

2008-03-30T23:47:00.000-04:00

The reason I've put off posting pictures of my growing belly (and everything else) is because something about documenting my road to obesity makes me cranky. I don't even want to think about how huge I'm going to be in five more months, but I have this feeling that Warren is going to hear much more complaining.

Anyway, here I am at 18 and 20 weeks. I'll probably hold off posting anymore pictures of my belly until Baby T is a year old and I've run at least two more marathons.

Making my mother proud

2008-03-20T09:26:00.000-04:00

It's amazing what hunger will motivate a person to do. Last night was another one of those nights when I thought I was going to starve to death. So, this morning I decided to listen to my mother and Open. A. Cookbook. And, I did. Not only did I finally take the plastic seal off one of the cookbooks I got for my wedding, but I actually read a recipe. Then (Mom, don't pass out) I went the grocery store to buy the ingredients for the ranch chicken dish that I might bake tonight.

Do you know how much food is in a grocery store if you walk down every isle? I almost got light-headed. There were so many foods I had forgotten about: cornbread, chili, rolls, popsicles, salmon, olives, stuffing, spaggetti Os, pork chops. It took me nearly two hours just to take it all in. There I was, in Wal-Mart, in my pajamas, unshowered with stains all over my t-shirt, trying unsuccessfully to manuver an entirely full grocery cart through the isles, and I couldn't have been happier.

WE. HAVE. FOOD.

Not only that, but I promised Warren I would try to cook dinner for the next week, since he has a friend in town from South Africa and I want to pretend I'm not a failure of a wife for at least 5 days.

Obsess much?

2008-03-18T07:16:00.000-04:00

For the past week I've been freaking myself out over the possibility of something going wrong with the baby. In fact, I'm almost to the point of grounding myself from the Internet so I force myself to stay away from medical articles. If there were something wrong, would the sonogram technician have told me when I went in at 17.5 weeks? Would my doctor have called me by now? I just spent the past hour comparing abnormal ultrasound pictures online with those of my baby to see if I could "diagnose" anything. Is that normal? Is it true that the mood of the mother will affect the mood of the baby? Will I make my kid neurotic?

It's a...

2008-03-15T16:13:00.000-04:00

This morning Warren and I went to have 4d fetal photos taken of our baby and found out we're having a girl! She moves and flips and Riverdances on the walls of my uterus.

We're so proud.

Still new to the whole pregnancy thing...

2008-03-07T10:31:00.001-05:00

This morning I had my 17 week appointment (oh, I'm still pregnant, by the way). Now, I don't go to the doctor's very often (usually I freak out and head straight for the emergency room), but don't the nurses usually call you back using just your first name? Today, as I'm waiting for my name to be called, I hear, "Katie, why don't you come back here and pee."

At first I thought, "Wow, that was considerate, how did she know I had to use the bathroom?" But as I walked into the bathroom I started to think that maybe I was supposed to give her something. Not knowing what to do, I stood there for a good two minutes trying to decide if I should use the toilet like I normally do, or if I should use the cup. But then, what if I wasn't supposed to give her my pee and it created a very awkward moment? Am I supposed to pee in a cup every time I go to the doctor's? That seems a little over-the-top, don't you think? Can't she tell by all my white, intact teeth that I don't use narcotics?

Now they want more blood. What is it with these people? I'm already having a baby, leave me alone.

Tagged

2008-03-02T17:18:00.000-05:00

I don't understand exactly how this "tag" thing works. Apparently, I just write interesting facts about myself and then tell other people to do the same, right? Well, I like to tell other people what to do, so here goes:

1. 10 years ago I was: Awesome. And bulimic. And 12 pounds lighter.

2. 5 things on my “to-do” list today: Yeah, okay.

3. Things I would do if I became a billionaire: Oh, that's easy. First, I would convert everything into pennies and nickles, then I would build a huge tower in the center of town, then I would fill it up with all my pennies and nickles, and then I would swim in all my money like Uncle Scrooge from Ducktales. Yes, I've always wanted to do that.

4. 3 of my bad habits: I probably weigh myself more than I should. But other than that, I think I'm pretty much perfect. Thank you.

5. 5 Places I have lived: Earth, in a house, close by, far away, and far far away.

6. 5 Jobs I have had: Babysitter, Office Depot (yesterday, today, tomorrow...that's for you Melanie and Roz), Lexington Law Firm, Investools, Edward Jones.

7. Something most people don’t know about me: My right thigh is about an inch bigger than my left.

And I tag: The whole wide world.

A serious cry for help

2008-02-25T16:18:00.000-05:00

Most of you who know me know that 1. I don't cook, 2. I rarely grocery shop and 3. I can survive on very strange combinations of food (i.e. crackers with ketchup). However, since becoming pregnant it seems my nutritional needs have become a bit more specific. No longer am I able to open a can of corn or kidney beans, eat a couple spoonfulls and be full. 7-11 hot chocolate doesn't seem to cut it anymore as a filling breakfast. MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE FROM THE HUNGER PAINS. Last night I could not fall asleep because I needed protein and calcium--I've become acutely attune with my body and its cravings over the past few weeks. Of course, as usual, my fridge is stocked with nothing but rotten chili, rotten vegetables, moldy cheese, a pack of hot dogs, and condiments. My dear husband thinks even less about food than I do, so usually we're down to eating toast for dinner before one of us (usually Warren) suggests we do some grocery shopping.

My point is, last night I wanted to die. I was so hungry and nothing I had was filling enough to make the pain go away. If I wasn't trying to create a human life in my uterus I probably wouldn't care, but I'm really afraid that my eating habits are going to give this child brain damage. I need suggestions, and lots of them. What should I keep my fridge full of while I'm pregnant, or even better, what should I have in my fridge in general? You know, WHAT DO PEOPLE EAT? No recipes please, my attention span is only so long. I need foods that can fall into my very hungry outsretched hands. Or, that could be nuked in a microwave, and things that don't require too much stirring, or any use of a hot surface.

For those of you who don't know me that well, I am absolutely serious. This is not a joke. I am almost thirty years old and have only a minimal knowledge on how the whole food thing works. My grocery shopping is usually me wandering aimlessly around the store only to leave with bread, milk, and peanut butter. And maybe gummy worms and a diet coke, if I still have room left in my arms to carry them.

Official Floridians

2008-02-23T18:57:00.000-05:00

Today I went in to get a Florida license and register to vote. Warren and I are now official Floridians, which is sad for both of us because 1. Warren is still struggling to adapt to America and 2. I wasn't ready to part with my Utah license. I wasn't raised in Utah, but I have lived there for the past ten years and it is the place I believe I did the most "growing up." Most of my close friends are there, and, I don't know, it really became my home. Florida is great, don't get me wrong, but I'm at that stage again in life where I get to start all over, which I haven't done since I first moved out of my parents' house in 1997. It's all very exciting and scary at the same time. Warren doesn't so much love the southern/retired/obese culture Florida has to offer (I think it's great--tons of people to stare at!), but I think once we meet people under the age of 70 he'll start to feel better. And if not, I'll pinch him until he smiles.

In baby news, I am now 15 (or 16...who's keeping track?) weeks prego. The biggest bonus about being in my second trimester is my nausea has subsided somewhat. I still can't sit-up or stand for long periods of time, but I can control the vomiting. The bad news is EVERY ORIFICE IN MY FACE EXPELS BLOOD. What the hell is that about? What To Expect When Your Expecting says a pregnant woman's body has more blood and therefore could cause "slight" nose and gum bleeding. Slight? Last night I literally spit 1/4 cup of blood after I brushed my teeth! At least that stupid book could have been honest with me, maybe said something like "Don't panic when you start to randomly bleed profusely from your mouth/nose/anywhere blood could possibly leak out of. You are NOT dying." Would a proper warning have been too complicated?

I've also started to feel those "butterfly" movements this week, which are hilarious.

Oh, my taste buds are all out of whack; plain rice tastes spicy and Chinese food tastes like cinnamon. Is that normal, or have I gone all crazy-like?

Happy Birthday, Nose

2008-02-19T21:07:00.000-05:00

Today is the four year anniversary of my rhinoplasty. I celebrated with heartburn.

Kudos to Dr. Berg of Orem Cosmetic Surgery for my fabulous new nose(http://www.drberg.info/dr.html).

Before

After

Florida is made of awesome.

2008-02-10T18:34:00.000-05:00

I love Florida. Today Warren and I went to church for the first time since we moved and everyone was so excited to meet us. I've never been so welcomed into a new ward. I even stayed ALL THREE HOURS...willingly! That hasn't happened since about 1995, and even then it wasn't willingly. I even enjoyed Relief Society, probably because when the Relief Society Pres. introduced me (which I allowed!) she said, "Katie is also expecting, and because she's so tiny you can already see a little bump." She called me tiny! I love her. Plus, because Warren is from South Africa we were pretty much superstars.

After church we took a walk around our neighborhood and our neighbors were also delighted to meet us. Everyone was so friendly that I eventually asked Warren if we could cross the street to a side with no houses because I was tired of smiling. Not to mention the weather is perfect and I get to see my friend, The Sun, everyday!

I think I'm going to cry...

They should call it pukenancy.

2008-02-08T20:59:00.000-05:00

These past couple weeks since I moved to Florida have been quite busy, what with the puking and all. I do love this baby, but COME ON.

Warren was thoughtful enough to take a few pictures before he held my hair back. Notice in the last picture you can see a little bit of Warren's thumb as he is holding my hair back WHILE he is taking a picture of my spew. That's love, people.

Waiting patiently for the vomit to find its way out of my stomach.

Oops! Just a little stomach acid.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

It's coming!

Yes, that's what I'm talking about! What you're looking at here used to be pancakes and strawberries. Mmmmm boy.

Dishwashers

2008-02-02T17:58:00.001-05:00

My husband is a conservation FREAK. While I admire his noble attempts to save the environment, sometimes I disagree with his radical approaches. Today we had an argument over the use of a dishwasher. He swears dishwashers suck up too much energy and water (which, is probably true), but I think dishes aren't clean until they have been properly sterilized in scorching temperatures. Plus, I'm lazy and I hate spending 20 minutes a night washing dishes by hand when I could spend five loading them into the dishwasher.

What does everyone else think? Keep in mind that Warren also hates cantalope and watermelon, so he is a bit crazy. I'm posting this on my other blog as well, so if you feel strongly FOR the use of dishwashers please feel free to vote twice. I'm really campaigning to win this argument. www.undomesticicequeens.blogspot.com

I should mention that Warren does the dishes himself because he feels so strongly about not using the dishwasher.

A shout out to Blimpie subs

2008-01-15T14:06:00.001-05:00

I like to show gratitude where appropriate, which is why I felt compelled to express my appreciation to Blimpie subs this morning with the following e-mail.

"Dear Blimpies,

I wanted to send you a quick note to say thank you for existing. I am about three months pregnant and ALL I crave are Blimpie subs (well, that and shredded wheat, but that's completely unrelated). I want to eat Blimpie for lunch, dinner, bedtime snack, midnight snack and at 3am. So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you Blimpie for having a store two miles from my house and for your yummy special dressing. Oh, and your pickles...and cookies...and turkey. Mmmmm boy.

Much love,
KT"

I would have dedicated a song to them as well if I didn't think it would have been creepy.

Denial

2008-01-10T15:23:00.001-05:00

Here it is, folks; proof that someone wasn't paying attention in the Pro-Creation Department. I went to the doctor to hear the heartbeat for the first time yesterday, and so I'm almost sure now this is the real deal. Although, the image on the screen looked more like a sea-horse and less like a baby. And, I might have had a teeny (not even worth mentioning, really) melt-down because I've already put on six pounds. There probably aren't a lot of new mothers who break down sobbing on their first appointment because of a little weight gain. I'm also guessing new mothers probably don't write "knocked up" on the Reason for Visit section of the addmitance form, either. BUT COME ON, I'M A LITTLE BIT HORMONAL AND HUNGRY AND THE STUPID DOCTOR'S OFFICE WAS NOT EQUIPT WITH A VENDING MACHINE. DON'T THEY KNOW PREGNANT WOMEN ARE HUNGRY?!

I'm going to need to find a new doctor...

A Sore Throat For Christmas

2007-12-30T07:06:00.000-05:00

For Christmas this year Santa decided to bring Warren and I a sore throat. Thanks, Santa. We arrived in South Africa on Saturday the 15th and by Tuesday I was sick as a dog and spent the next seven days on my in-laws coach watching really crappy T.V. I started to feel a little better by Christmas day, but then Warren caught whatever I had (he says it's because I opened his mouth and coughed in it while he was sleeping...maybe I did and maybe I didn't). Warren was sick for the rest of the trip and practically dying on the plane ride home. Luckily, I was able to grab him a row of seats no one was sitting in so at least he was able to lie down for eight hours. We are now in New York City where we planned to spend New Year's Eve, but neither of us have left my friend's apartment and I think we got my friend sick. I feel terrible!

Other than our plague, Christmas was relaxing. I was hoping to enjoy the sun in Africa and come home with a tan, but it rained on the days I felt well enough to got outside. It was nice to spend Christmas with Warren's family this year. I'm not sure if we're going to be able to get back to South Africa for a while, so regardless of being so sick the whole time, I'm glad we were able to get back this year.

Hope you all have a very happy New Year!

God Bless Africa

2007-12-13T01:09:00.000-05:00

Funny Pictures

This Christmas we are spending in South Africa with Warren's family. I remember the days when going to South Africa was the most exciting event in my life. Now it warrants the same emotional response as driving down to the Orem Wal-Mart to pick up tortillas. That's what happens when you overkill something great, people.

Goodbye, Utah

2007-12-12T00:31:00.000-05:00

When I created this blog I had every intention of actually updating it; unfortunately, those intentions lasted about 7 minutes. However, I can't seem to sleep tonight so I figured I'd write about how Warren and I are escaping Utah in the night and relocating to sunny FLORIDA. Not a moment too soon either because I swear I already have frostbite on three of my toes.

Oh, and we bought a house! I'm sure I have a picture of it somewhere, but locating that picture would take way too much effort. I guess I'll describe it with as much vivid detail as I can remember. Um...it has a roof and a front door, and I think a back door as well, probably a couple bedrooms, and some grass out front. It's so beautiful.

And here's another one...

2007-12-12T00:27:00.000-05:00

'Cause everyone else is doing it...

2007-11-12T18:36:00.000-05:00

I have another blog: http://www.undomesticicequeens.blogspot.com/ However, sometimes on that blog I can be a tad moody and I recently found out that many members of my lovely family know that blog address (which I was totally NOT expecting). So, in a weak attempt to repair any damange that blog may have caused my perfect reputation, I have decided to start a NEW blog--a blog entirely focused on the serene life Warren and I lead--one completely free of all sarcasm and angry rants. As a bonus, I fully intend to clutter this blog with adorable pictures of us.

Here is one of us being awesome.